Status Updates From Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.”

“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.”

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.”

“Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.”

“It seems to me that just in the ratio that our newspapers increase, our morals decay.”

“It is often the case that a man who can’t a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.”

“Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages…It’s an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance. The last half consists of the chance without the capacity.”

“What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.”

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.”

“My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one’s country, not to its institutions or its office-holders.”