Status Updates From Sotto una stella crudele: U...

I learned then that the bodies had been cremated and the ashes turned over to two members of State Security for disposal. They drove in a limousine and its driver made a joke. “This is the first time I’ve packed 14 people into this car. The three of us and those eleven in the bag.”
A few miles out of Prague the limousine began to skid on the icy road. The agents got out and scattered the ashes under its wheels.

“You shouldn’t pick the tulips,” said the little boy. “It’s not allowed.”
“Oh, yes, I’m allowed,” I said. “At least today I am. I’m celebrating.”
“What are you celebrating?” asked the girl. “The end of the war?”
I thought for a moment.
“No,” I said. “The beginning of peace.”

I closed my eyes. Only a long time later did I feel something running down my cheeks. I felt no particular pain, no fear, no regret. I was just endlessly tired and distant from myself. I could not think or wish for anything and I just repeated to myself over and over again: life . life.