Status Updates From So You Want to Talk About Race

Ch.16”The way we vote, where we spend our money, what we do and do not call out-these are all pieces of the system. We cannot talk our way out of a racially oppressive system. We can talk our way into understanding, and we can then use that understanding to act.”

Ch.17”I know that the issue of racism and racial oppression seems huge—and it is huge. But it is not insurmountable. When we look at it in its entirety, it seems like too much, but understand that the system is invested in you seeing it that way. The truth is, we all pull levers of this white supremacist system, every day.“

Ch.16”You have to get over the fear of facing the worst in yourself. You should instead fear unexamined racism. Fear the thought that right now, you could be contributing to the oppression of others and you don't know it. But do not fear those who bring that oppression to light. Do not fear the opportunity to do better.”

Ch.16”This is not an easy process, and it is not at all fun. And at times, it seems never-ending. At times it may seem like no matter what you do, you are doing something wrong. But you have to try to adjust to the feelings of shame and pain that come from being confronted with your own racism.“

Ch.16 tips cont. “…Remember that you are not the only one hurt…If you can see where you have been racist, or if you can see where your actions have caused harm, apologize and mean it….If, after a lot of careful thought, you still do not see your actions as racist and feel strongly that this is simply a misunderstanding, do not then invalidate that person's hurt.”

Ch.16 “So if you've been confronted with the possibility of your own racism, and you want to do the work, here are some tips:”(1) Listen…set your intentions aside…try to hear the impact of what you have done…Remember that you do not have all of the pieces…Nobody owes you a debate…Nobody owes you a relationship…”

Ch.16 “The question is: do you want to look like a better person, or do you want to be a better person? Because those who just want to look like a better person will have great difficulty with the introspection necessary to actually be a better person. In order to do better we must be willing to hold our darkness to the light, we must be willing to shatter our own veneer of ‘goodness.’”

Ch.16 “Now is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, to see yourself and your actions more clearly, so you can move toward the person you truly want to be.“

Ch.16 “All of this is to say that if you have been called racist, or something you have done has been called racist, by a person of color, you cannot simply dismiss it outright-even if that accusation is in direct opposition to all that you try to be. Not if you are truly committed to racial justice.”

Ch.16”Your mistakes or your achievements will never on their own define you. But you can only do better if you are willing to look at your entire self.“

Ch.16”You do, as Walt Whitman said, contain multitudes. I know that the above is all that some people need to chuck this book out a window….But life is a series of moments. And in reality we are both the culmination of those countless moments, and each moment individually in time.”

16”Who are you?You are, at times, kind and mean, generous and selfish, witty and dull.Sometimes you are all of these things at once.And if you are white in a white supremacist society, you are racist.If you are male in a patriarchy, you are sexist. If you are able-bodied, you are ableist.If you are anything above poverty in a capitalist society, you are classist.You can sometimes be all of these things at once.“

Ch.16”If you are white, and you are reading this and wondering why we bother if these conversations are as bad as I say, think of how bad the alternative-continued, unchecked racism-would have to be in order to get you to risk that much, and you'll know a little more about the reality of life for people of color.”

Ch.16”So why do we talk about racism if it's so risky and so painful? Because we have no choice. Because not talking about it is killing us. Because for far too long, the burden of racism has always been on us alone.“

Ch.16”When we decide to talk about racism, we know that it could indeed end our friendships, our repu-tations, our careers, and even our lives. The response to our complaints of racism or racial insensitivity are not always met with such violent reactions, but no matter what, it is never a pleasant conversation for people of color to have.”

Ch.16”It's not as if it's easy for people of color to call out racism. When we decide to talk about these things, not only are we having to confront our own feelings of hurt, disappointment, or anger, we know that we are also risking any of the above reactions and more.”

Ch.16”Even when the words ‘racist’ or ‘racism’ are never said—even the slightest implication can shift the entire conversation from ‘Hey, this hurts people of color’ to ‘DID YOU JUST CALL ME RACIST? I AM NOT RACIST! I AM A GOOD PERSON HOW DARE YOU?’“

Ch.16 “Countless friends have had emails sent to their employers and educators by white people incensed that someone would insinuate that their actions are racist.“

Ch.16”And I'm not alone. When I asked a group of people of color what they feared most when talking about racism, their number-one concern was retaliation.“

Ch.16 “To many white people, it appears, there is absolutely nothing worse than being called a racist, or someone insinuating you might be racist, or someone saying that something you did was racist, or somebody calling somebody you identify with racist. Basically, anytime the label of racist touches you at all, it's the worst thing to happen to anybody anywhere.”