Status Updates From Penance

"This is my punishment for having run away. God wasn’t going to forgive me for forgetting everything and trying to be the only one who ended up happy."

"You know she can’t hold her liquor. Tell her there’s something about me that you want to talk with her about, and go out drinking, just the two of you. Once you get her drunk the rest should be easy.”😠

"The child in my womb is, 100 percent, my brother-in-law’s."😮

"Catching the criminal seemed impossible. So I chose the latter, performing an act of penance that would satisfy Emily’s mother."