Status Updates From How to Save an Undead Life ...

…“like water off a duck's back”
WHY do I have to imagine ducks now!?

Overabundance of annoying similitudes apart, this is so badly written I don't know if I should go on and hope it gets better or not.
There's a lot of confusiong stuff being just thrown in your face without explanation. And then, when you are ready to give up, there are pages and pages of boring explanations.

"I met another guide and we stripped each other with the eagerness of two virgins under the bleaches at homecoming"… PLEASE STOP. JUST STOP. 😭

“I bobbed my head like a juicy apple floating in a water-filled barrel"…why, WHY do you have to make me imagine useless stuff that distracts me from the story!?

The ratio of metaphors/similitudes per period is just too damn high 😅
"Blisters the size of small children": this is the worst of them all, so far 😅😂