Status Updates From Leaving Richard's Valley

“I wonder if living in the valley so long has made it impossible to live anywhere else.”

“I wonder if we died the second we left the valley and ever since then we’ve just been wandering around in hell.”

“What makes me so uniquely unlovable?
My monotonous voice? My lack of arms? I wish I could put a hand on the shoulder of a friend… lean in, and with a warm, sing-song intonation… ask them questions about computers.”

“Richard told me I would never be able to love someone else until I learned to love myself. I have never found that to be the case. I hate myself, yet have found it exceptionally easy to love someone else. I suppose I’m a sort of medical marvel.”

“Do you ever have one of those days where you start thinking about how wonderful Richard is and begin to weep uncontrollably?”

“Sometimes I look up at the stars and imagine a giant telescope staring back at me, studying my every move… watching me make the worst choices of my life. Learn from my mistakes, space folk! Let me be a teachable moment in your space academies!”

“Ms. Napkin, can you confirm the rumors that spiders and squirrels make the best of friends?”

“No comment!”

“Many outsiders wouldn’t believe it, but there are a ton of ways to have fun and pass time in the valley!
Drawing pictures of Richard!
Organizing leaves!
Putting on skits and plays!
Making lists of all the bad things I’ve done!
Imagining me and Richard as the only two survivors after the apocalypse!”