Status Updates From Humble Pie

I couldn't have handled being at the births, and I dont mind admitting it. Emergency situations, I can handle. But not gore. Not placentas. I'm useless at it, absolutely fucking useless. I imagine childbirth as like being stuck in a room with a thousand skinned rabbits. When Tana turned round and told me that she didn't want me there, I was fucking relieved. I had this image of an alien in my head.

I swear I had the biggest penis in Paris.

I used to feel that sex was like sharpening a pencil. You stick it in there, and grind it around.

And she opened the door-stark bollock naked. I put the tray down, and went straight into her bedroom.