Status Updates From If She Were Dead

"She was like a doll that wets or cries 'Mama': the disposable Amelie. You can brush her hair, take off her little outfits, twist her limbs this way and that, and then, if you like, you can just toss her away. Bye-bye, Disposable Amelie. Because there's always a bright new toy waiting on the shelf." This is the first decent analogy I've read throughout the book even though it had me singing Barbie Girl in my head.

"[...] And she didn't know why she said it, why there was something problematic in taking Ben's son from point A to point B, why he was any different than his sister. Somewhere in the crevices of the equation, in the esoteric angles of its logic, lay some further problem, something unclear that might get in the way, throw off the equation, skew the result." See what I mean? The author constantly does this!!!!

“She stopped this line of thinking immediately, for by the end of the hour she would have come to despise the ugly witless gnome that her lover had become in her estimation.” Like this book is giving me tonal whiplash because why is it modern day and then turns medieval like this???

Part of me does feel like maybe her daughter’s new man is also Ben but part of me just feels like maybe that’s me hoping because that would be interesting and the book is so fucking boring lol

I think the author tried overly hard to make this book seem well-written by overdoing similes and metaphors throughout and trying to articulate their thinking because it’s 3rd person POV and it just comes out as wordy and not memorable because it’s just too much if that makes sense. Like I’m on chapter 37 and there’s nothing notable that has happened or been described.

"Why don't you go run to your woman, why don't you go and let her have the pleasure of your middle aged body. One of these days and it's a guarantee, Richard, one of these days you'll rise from bed and she'll crack open her big vacant eyes&she'll look at you and say 'Omg what have I done, why am I living w/this saggy lump of human waste?' & then you'll try to come back&I won't be alone'

READ HIM FOR FILTH LMAOOOOO

All the analogies & the smilies every other sentence are so distracting from the plot

Weird that I’m 59 pages in and this is the second that it was mentioned Amelie has never had a problem w weight? Like ok? Is her being thin and snatched have some premise to the plot orrrrr?

Amelie is me af when my man and I get into it, now I gotta fix it before I enjoy anything again.

Why do I have a feeling that Nina is following in her mom’s footsteps & playing side chick to her professor? 👀

“It was strange how nothing was ever truly final. People might return, change their minds, take back their words.”

“Sorry I was staring. It’s your eyes.”
“What’s wrong with them?”
“Well, that’s the thing. Nothing’s wrong. They’re killer eyes. It’s a shade of blue I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. It’s probably why the camera fell in love with you.”