Status Updates From This Will Be Funny Someday

"Motherf-" Mo buries her head in her hands. "That wasn't a regular gummy bear."
"Yeah, no kidding," I say. "It tasted super weird."
"IT IS DRUGS," Mo whisper-screams at me. "YOU ATE DRUGS." "Say it louder," Will hisses at her. "Let's make sure the whole bar knows."

"It was just a gummy bear!"
"Smokey the Bear, maybe," Jonah replies. Mo jabs him in the ribs. "Ow!"

"Dave gave you what, now?" Mo's voice sounds much higher an usual.
"A piece of candy," I say. "When I came in."
"And you ate it?" Jonah asks.
"No, I saved it in my cheek like a chipmunk, Jonah."

Jonah pushes the menu away. "This place is weird. All their beers are made by, like, German monks who, I don't know, mash the beans with their feet."
Will doesn't laugh. "That's not how you make beer."
"It is at the Monastery of St. Pretentiousness."