Status Updates From Vertical Marriage: The One ...

Women, we have so much power! Our words have the power to bring life and death. I want to be a woman that my family can’t wait to come home to. Outside our homes, our husbands, children, and friends are being bombarded with negativity. We can be the ones to bolster their sails and bring them joy. As Dave says, “A man will always go where he’s cheered!”

Another way to help yourself speak gently when you’re in the middle of a big conflict is to choose to believe the best about each other rather than assume the worst.

Dave and I set a rule: we vowed to never threaten each other with divorce. Divorce would not be part of our vocabulary.

The apostle Paul also writes, “Let your speech always be gracious” (Colossians 4:6 ESV). Be merciful and compassionate, even when your spouse is in the wrong. Show the type of grace to your spouse that God is constantly showing you.

I began to study anger, and I learned that psychologists call it a “second emotion.” This means that anger is not usually the first emotion we feel in a stressful situation. The first emotion may be hurt, frustration, fear, or something else—but we instead jump to anger because we’re too uncomfortable with the initial emotion.

there’s an enemy of our marriage who wants to take us down because he wants to stop God’s plan for our marriage. That plan is for oneness, and this oneness will produce glory back to him. But Satan also has a plan for our marriages, and it’s summed up in one word: divorce.

With this verse, Jesus basically says, “I want to give you the greatest relationship you’ve ever dreamed of. I have an unbelievable plan for your marriage and for your relationship. But the thief, Satan, wants to steal and kill and destroy your relationship.”

In the middle of your conflicts, begin listening for the whisper within that reminds you to pull back, examine yourself and not just your spouse (even if they have fault in the matter as well), and come to grips with your own selfishness and conceit. Rather than blaming your spouse, humble yourself and consider your spouse’s needs to be more important than your own.

First you need to abandon yourself to God’s love for you. Trust in God first, and you will be inviting all that only God can do in your life and marriage.

The right place to begin is not… addressing every single problem in your marriage so that each faux pas can be meticulously attacked with all the energy each of you can muster—trust me, this approach will leave you exhausted, because treating your marriage like a work project can demolish the very relational parts you are trying to salvage.

Are you willing to lose everything you have and think you want so that God can give you—and your spouse—everything he wants and knows you need? Can you trust that his dreams for your marriage are higher than your own, even if they lead you through difficult moments?

“Ann, will you die for me and sacrifice your life so that I can make Dave the man I want him to be?”