Status Updates From Polysecure: Attachment, Tra...

I legit wonder if I've talked to people who read this, because so much of it I have heard of prior.

My eyes fully bursting from my skull at seeing Internal Family Systems and Parts mentioned here, of all places. The ground I'm treading isn't short of footprints, itself.

"making sense of your own story"?! "coherent narrative of our past experiences"?!? But what if my autobiographical memory is catastrophically full of holes and I barely remember anything before 20....... what then...

Oh, I like that this book is like "we're gonna talk about healthy attachment to the self but it's not to exclude the healing power of securely attached relationships tho", I like that. Nice.

SECURE ATTACHMENT WITH SELF, let's gooooooooooooooo.

Oh, do polycules just have a really big bed, like a floor-spanning thing? Do they swap spooning partners per night or smth? Much to think abt......

Rituals and Routines, :sicko-yes:

Polysecure really did say 'be sure to gaze upon your partners in a loving, gay kinda way' which is adorable and I fully support but tough for autistic people and other eye-contact-averse dorks.

"Instead of spinning out into doubt and fear, being able to recall the ways your partners experience you as special, even irreplacable, can soothe the anxious mind and allow for more compersion to arise." Fuck this book kinda rocks.

Expressed Delight... maybe nothing ever worked because nobody ever even tried telling me how astoundingly good my shitass writings on books nobody cares about are :>

I solemnly swear not to apply this framework to my favourite novels and be annoying about my blorbos. Solemnly.

"Why do we want to be attachment figures for each other?" seems like one of those questions that would ALWAYS be a brick to the forehead, in any context. It took me out. Woah.

Reading this is kind of like waking up out of the slime in the Matrix, is the best way I can describe the revelatory experience. Oh my fucking god, it was SO fucking bad.

Do We Want To Be Attachment-Based Partners? You didn't exactly ask, so. It's good to ask.

Power dynamics.

"cnm can create new attachment ruptures." LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO

"You get more information from your metamours pertaining to important things about your partner than from your actual partner." Woah, read this and instantly thought "that'd take me out, I'd just be dead Idk".

I see, so the 800 relationship labels aren't just label fetishism, but carry real utility as far as defining needs and setting boundaries goes. You can only really freeball it if everyone is level in terms of needs and boundaries, otherwise somebody often crashes out. Thoughtfully nodding.

"Secure connections are with people or partners who we don't have daily regular contact with, but with whom we know that when we reach out, it will feel as if a moment hasn't passed." Oh, dude, I think that's a psyop, conceptually. I think it was made up by somebody.

"In [consensual nonmonogamy], we don't have the security of knowing that a partner is with us because they see us as the best, one or only partner out there for them." Surely this also doesn't apply to monogamy, though? I mean, how could you ever be sure, like on a crass literal level?

Oh sick, enmeshment again. I'm kinda agreeing with these six-challenging-points, but the codependent enmeshment one stands out to me. I like my relationship because it DOES feel like two individuals sharing themselves, I don't even feel subsumed by another. They're like, the only person I'm that chill with, y'know?

You can text your therapist pictures of your happy polycule? Damn......

Also daily reminder that swapping default "he" for default "she" is dorky and kinda alienating.

Since you ask, book, this PACT based hierarchical poly shit sounds pretty bad, i.m.h.o. "manage thirds"? Yeesh.

"(a considerable amount of the mono-romantic ideal can actually be codependency in disguise)," lol no waaaaay, that would neeever happen!

Polysecure tackles the "why nonmonogamy" mostly for practical reasons, so: I get the sense that monogamy as a philosophy, like as an ideology, fucking sucks. Whether or not I would ever be interested in having more than one partner, I wish to expel the monogamous mind virus. There are better ways to think about and parse relationships, and I must know them.