Status Updates From 20020: An American football...

I have about as much onboard memory as a dishwasher, maybe a little more. And they had to sew it by hand even to get that much. It feels like they shouldn’t have been able to do it.

MIMI: That’s how much they loved you, isn’t it? That’s how badly they wanted to bring you into the universe.

NINE: It is. I think about them a lot. I remember them all.

They’ll always be a part of me.

MANNY: I mean what happens if Coach calls you back? I bet if I was Coach, I’d look at your time and be like no, you gotta wait. You gotta wait on the field another hundred years. And then she’d make me try and run it by myself.

Babe, I don’t wanna do a hundred years without you.

NICK: I know.

I could do it. I’d wait a hundred years.

Would you wait for me?

(WHY THE FUCK AM I CRYING…… ITS FOOTBALL)

MIKE: It’s never been anyone’s responsibility to do what’s impossible. It’s not yours.

NICK: You think it’s impossible?

MIKE: No. But you don’t have all the numbers, so it won’t be about the math.

TEN: (Look at this fucking herb! “Oh Yes Sir! Oh I’m Happy To Assist, Sir!”)

JUICE: (lady i am at WORK ok)

NINE: (lol you have a job)

JUICE: (you know what fuck yall im taking this private)

I’m sorry for the delay, Mr. Baez. If you would kindly look first at Appendix G of the–

Aw, juice!

TEN: I think if you sat these people down in, I don’t know, 1990, and explained to them that they would live forever, they would imagine themselves in the distant future as supremely wise people. They’d tell you, “well, with all the time in the world, I’ll come to understand everything in the world. I won’t make mistakes anymore. I won’t fuck up anymore. I’ll become the best version of myself.”

TEN: The Georgia Dome is this great big domed stadium. BEHOLD

A GIANT BUTTHOLE

NINE: AAAAAAAHH!!!!

JUICE: AHAHAHAHA EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I LAUGH. EVERY TIME

TEN: It’s an asshole! It’s a gigantic steel asshole. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional.

JUICE: if i had an asshole like that i would take shits that you would not believe

i would form nebulas

TEN: This is beginning to dawn on me.

This game was unintentionally designed by countless numbers of people. People who had no idea what they were building. People who, like this farmer, had never even heard of American football because it didn’t exist yet.

JUICE: yes

one player once said that they were “playing on the field our mothers and fathers built for us”

JUICE: 111 teams. 1111 footballs. 111 fields. This is a GIGANTIC football game

TEN: What is wrong with you?

JUICE: I find it’s useful to remember that I am French

JUICE: lemme clean up my spaghetti i spilled when i was so rudely interrupted
have you seen the broom

TEN: You don’t clean up spaghetti with a broom!

JUICE: well why the fuck not

TEN: You can’t clean up wet stuff with a broom! It’s gonna get all nasty.
You go over to Juice’s house and he’s just like vacuuming his front lawn
Juice is like “time to do the dishes!”
Goes to get his fucking rake
NINE: LOL

happy immortality day everyone, i just found out that the only story that's ever made me care about football has a sequel and i'm pumped