Status Updates From The Nerviest Girl in the World

Sometimes I wonder if Mr. Corrigan had only known one girl his whole life. Didn’t he know we came in different varieties?

Ostriches are nasty tempered she-demons who’d as soon crack your skull as look at you. At least that’s what my father says.

I couldn't cry on cue to save my life, but you'd never catch Mary Mason climbing out of a hot air balloon 40 ft above the ground. I stared down at the patchwork world far below the swaying basket. I was beginning to think this time I had bitten off more than I could chew & was about to plummet to my death. Mr. Corrigan, the director, would probably rush Mary into blubber over my corpse while the light was still good.