Status Updates From The Book of Accidents

What?! Damn!

No. Please. After The Staircase in the Woods, which was an awesome story but had terrible writing, I wasn’t going to read anymore Wendig. But I grabbed this one from the library at the same time and it was already here. I figured it couldn’t be worse. But EVERY PAGE IS A NIGHTMARE.

“The Graves family was GONNA move.” That’s fine in dialogue. But HERE? The narrator?! Oh my fucking god I’m gonna scream.

People do not speak in parentheses. PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK IN PARENTHESES.

Someone take the fucking parentheses away from Chuck. For the love of all that is fucking holy.

Dude. What in the actual fuck is going on here?

“Doctor Nahid said he was empathetic.”
“I don’t like that word. Sounds too much like pathetic.”
“No one’s saying that, it’s just a word. Go with empathetic if you prefer.”

Right. Yes. The word you just said. The word he said he didn’t like.

WHO THE FUCK EDITED THIS???

“ ‘And I swear they’re looking right at me.’ It wasn’t just that. There were other things bothering her. The way the eyes seemed to be LOOKING at her.”

Oh. My. God. 🤦🏽‍♀️

The Box Man’s eyes “were wire, like the rest of it.” No, the rest of it is BOX. Cardboard box. Like you just told us the page before. Hence Box Man. What the fuck.

WALKER thought? You mean, Edmund? Eddie? Whose middle name is Walker? Did you already forget what you named your character?

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, here we go again with the fucking parentheses. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Mr. Wendig. Please. I beg you. Chill the fuck out.

I like the kid’s therapist. She’s interesting.