Status Updates From Catalogue Baby

Children up for adoption are not a consolation prize. They are to be cherished by people who truly want to adopt - not because they felt it was a distant second alternative to conceiving.

The image planted the new realization that 9 months does not always equal a healthy baby. Life is arbitrary and tenuous at best.

"Mommy, how are babies made?"

"Well...

When 2 people love each other

There's these birds, you see, and these bees.... and...

When the penis enters the vagina

An egg goes from the ovary to the uterus...

When a man goes in one room and a woman goes in another room...

And poof! The magic of science!

"There's a 1 in 17 chance your baby has Down Syndrome."

This is ripping my heart out.

Picking an anonymous donor from a sperm bank was difficult. It felt incredibly shallow to make my choice based solely on looks and medical history. But after all, the fate of my child and that of countless future generations hung in the balance. This kind of decision-making took at multi-prong approach.

There were some other significant red flags in our relationship, but I really wanted to be with someone, so I let it all slide. Steve was a classic example of my relationship history.

In my twenties, although I didn't know if I actually wanted a child, I did want to know what it felt like to be pregnant, and to experience the raw, magical brutality of giving birth.

In my thirties, I knew for sure I wanted a child. I dreamed of showing this new human the beauties of the world.

This book was hard to write. At times, I felt as if I was going in circles of life and death, life and death, life and death - on repeat without respite.