Status Updates From Muttermilch

Can’t put this down

- but it was easier to be loving when the person was asleep. “

“ i thought about how i used to watch my mother sleep sometimes, how innocent she looked with her hands tucked under the pillow. in those moments, i saw her as a little girl, and i felt that nothing was her fault—just a chain of fears and feelings passed down from generation to generation. in those moments i thought, you can show her how to love you better by being loving to her. -

“ as a child, i’d seen a wide range of nonterminal illnesses amongst my young friends, as well as the delicious food cures their mothers provided. i’d prayed that i would contract tonsillitis (ice cream), a stomach virus (ginger ale), chicken pox (oatmeal bath), the flu (chicken noodle soup), strep throat (raw honey). but i was cursed with perfect health. “

“ i want you to eat me , i thought as i edged closer. the consuming mother, i thought as i pulled away. i want you to eat me, closer, closer. the consuming mother, further, further. “

oh my god it’s freaky and in a severe motherly issues ways ouuhhh

“ my mother persuaded me to stay thin by insulting me. Ana did it by insulting everyone but me. This absence or rejection felt like an embrace “