Status Updates From ویرانم کن (Shatter Me, #1.5)

just starting to realise that Juliette is always mentioned or comes up in his conscience very frequently throughout this book

& I realise he always thinks about her whenever he's about to feel too overwhelmed or he needs to calm down - she's his safe haven 🥹 and we get to see the thought process behind his previous actions towards her

omg the truth behind him killing Fletcher.....,.,,,..,.,.,...,., 🥹 I'm so glad I decided to read this novella for Warner's POV. He's so DIRELY misunderstood, it's insane

“I knock the notebook to the floor. trying to steady my heart. These words are too close to me, too familiar. The story of a child abused by its parents. Locked away and discarded. It’s too close to my mind.
I’ve never read anything like this before. I’ve never read anything that could speak directly to my bones. ”

now we know, their back stories are more similar than we think 🥹

“I’m shaking again, and this time I can’t stop it. This time the shaking is coming from deep within my core, from a profound realization of what I’m holding in my hands”

“And suddenly this small, battered notebook means more to me than anything I’ve ever owned.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🥹

“I lost her. She hates me. She hates me and I repulse her and I might never see her again, and it is entirely my own doing. This notebook might be all I have left of her. ”
“This might not be anything I want to see. And so help me, if this turns out to be some kind of diary concerning her thoughts and feelings about Kent, I might just throw myself out the window.”

HE'S SO FUNNY KJSFJLKKGJKLDJGLJGLDKJLKJGD

“But watching her talk to someone else made me crazy. I was jealous. Ridiculous. I wanted her to know me; I wanted her to talk to me. And I felt it then: this strange, inexplicable sense that she might be the only person in the world I could really care about.”

OK MR POSSESSIVE

“Utilizing her as a weapon was a story I fed to my father; I needed an excuse to have access to her, to gain the necessary clearance to study her files. It was a charade I was forced to maintain in front of my soldiers and the hundreds of cameras that monitor my existence. I did not bring her on base to exploit her ability. And I certainly did not expect to fall for her in the process.”

omfg. OMDFG.

“I could never tell anyone I’d developed a newfound fascination with her. I had to effect a pretense, an outward indifference—an arrogance—toward her. She was to be our weapon and nothing more, just an innovative instrument of torture.
A detail I cared very little about.
My research had led me to her files by pure accident. Coincidence. I did not seek her out in search of a weapon; ”

EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW

“I caught a glimpse of her face for the very first time. She pressed her palm to the window and whispered two words, just once. Forgive me.
I hit rewind too many times."

if this isn't love at first sight idk what is....

“I watched the unassuming outline of this girl I could not see and did not know, and I felt an unbelievable amount of respect for her. I admired her, envied her composure”
“I don’t know that I understood what it was, exactly, I was feeling at the time, but I knew I wanted her all to myself.
I wanted to know her secrets.”

“None of it made sense to me. A girl cast off by society, by her own family—she had to contain so much feeling. Rage. Depression. Resentment. Where was it?
She was nothing like the other inmates at the asylum”

He knew that she wasn't a monster and there's nothing wrong with her too 😭😭😭😭😭

“I was distracted long before she arrived on base, constantly wondering what she might be doing and whether she’d speak again. If she wasn’t counting out loud, was she counting in her head? Did she ever think in letters? Complete sentences? Was she angry? Sad? Why did she seem so serene for a girl I’d been told was a volatile, deranged animal? Was it a trick?”

“More than anything else, I wanted to hear her speak.
I was desperate to hear her voice." "But the first time we ever caught her talking on camera, I couldn’t look away. I sat there, transfixed, nerves stretched thin," “I couldn’t stop thinking about her after that.”

HE's so down bad.

“I looked forward to her temper. Her tantrums. Her ridiculous arguments. I wanted her to yell at me; I would’ve congratulated her had she ever slapped me in the face. I was always pushing her, toying with her emotions. I wanted to meet the real girl trapped behind the fear. I wanted her to finally break free of her own carefully constructed restraints.”

“Funny, how accustomed I’d become to visiting her here; how it gave me a strange sense of comfort to know that she and I were living in the same building. Her presence on base changed everything for me; the weeks she spent here became the first I ever enjoyed living in these quarters”

omg 🥹

also.... HES LEGITIMATELY, GENUINELY DOWN BAD FOR JULIETTE 🤧🥺

and he's not being weird or psychotic about it, he just can't express his true intentions or act on anything because he's been so desensitized ... oh my poor baby

wait... Warner's back story & current state is so sad 🥺 he's so misunderstood and he has no choice but to live with this in order to survive

but he's actually a human inside, but is not allowed to live or act like one 😭