Status Updates From Sorrow and Bliss

“I told her she was right - the things she had said on the phone and in her letter. I have been loved every day of my adult life. I have been unbearable but I have never been unloved. I have felt alone but I have never been alone and I've been forgiven for the unforgiveable things I have done.”

The sensation of being somewhere I had been vigorously discouraged from entering for most of my life was still strange.
Martha. I know you and your sister tease me for the repurposing but all I've been trying to do, all these years, is take rubbish and turn it into something beautiful and much stronger than it was before. I can't help if it's a bloody metaphor for everything. She turned and dragged off the sheet.

“You thought it was the right thing to do. You thought it was best for her, even though you wanted her so much. That's how I know -' he said, maybe this isn't helpful
- but that's how I know you were supposed to be a mother. You put her above yourself. That's what mothers do, isn't it?' He said obviously, I'm only guessing.”

AND THEN THEY BOTH CRIED AWH THIS IS ALL JUST SUCH A BIG PITY

DIDN’T EXPECT TO BE HAPPY A MAN READ A WOMANS JOURNAL BUT THIS WAS NEEDED

“Most of the time it was amazing.
You made me so happy, Martha. You have no idea. You have no idea how good it was. That's the part I'm finding hardest to deal with. That you were oblivious to everything that was good about it. You couldn't see it.'
I told Patrick I could now.”

You constantly accused me of being passive & not wanting anything but I wasn't allowed to. That's how it worked. Accepting whatever I got was the only way to keep the peace.

I'm the worst person in world. No you're not.'You're not the best person in the world either, which is what you really think. You're the same as everybody else. But that's harder for you, isn't it.The idea you might be ordinary is unbearable.'