Status Updates From The Death of Ivan Ilyich - ...

Why, and for what purpose, is there all this horror? But however much he pondered he found no answer. And whenever the thought occurred to him, as it often did, that it all resulted from his not having lived as he ought to have done, he at once recalled
the correctness of his whole life and dismissed so strange an idea.

And the further he departed from childhood and the nearer he came to the present the more worthless and doubtful were the joys.