Status Updates From Głód. Pamiętnik (mojego) ciała

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"My body is a cage. My body is a cage of my own making. I am still trying to figure my way out of it. I have been trying to figure a way out of it for more than twenty years"

… “What I feel is guilt and uncontrollable self-loathing, and oftentimes, I find something else to eat, to soothe these feelings and, strangely, to punish myself, to make myself feel sicker so that the next time, I might remember how I feel when I overindulge.

I never remember.”

“At first, it feels good, savoring each bite, the world falling away. I forget about my stresses, my sadness. All I care about are the flavors in my mouth, the extraordinary pleasure of the act of eating. I start to feel full but I ignore that fullness and then that sense of fullness goes away and all I feel is sick, but still, I eat. When there is nothing left, I no longer feel comfort.”

Non ci siamo

Finally getting nerve after listening to Gays amazing interview on Reclaiming. And of course it was as challenging as I expected — possibly harder because I am listening to her read this difficult words. Still confident it will be worth getting through. I’ll need to pace myself carefully.