Status Updates From Ander & Santi Were Here

Having all the time in the world. And peace. And happiness. And rest. Annoying that we are here, we have each other, and no one can take that away from us now.
No one can take him from me now.
Mi querido.
Mi Santiago.

“But I can’t just not do something because it’s big and scary. Not when it’s for someone I love. And maybe it won’t work out. Maybe we won’t work out. But maybe we will. Maybe I will. And maybe we’ll be great.”

“… this will always be my home... But my heart isn’t here anymore. My soul isn’t here anymore. And I need to go to that place. To where they are. Where he is. To see if home can also be somewhere else. With someone else. I know you’re scared. I’m scared. This isn’t gonna be easy. But I can’t just not do something because it’s big and scary. Not when it’s for someone I love…”

“Yes…But you’ve already decided that…And if it happens to matter at all, what you’re doing is also brave. And it shows a lot of love. Those are excellent qualities to carry through life. Knowing what’s worth taking risks for, even when it’s terrifying. Stick with that, under. And don’t ever get to the end of anything wishing you’ve done more. Felt more.”

Art that is going to keep me here even after I’m gone. Each with a little part of my soul. All of them together telling my story.

Someone who will come into that school and fuck up this guy‘s world and the world of everyone who treats us in our art like they do our food and our music and our humor: as something they can take in and consume without seeing our humanity.

“Thank you Juni. The only reason I can do this is because you believed in me.”
“ as much as I’d like to take credit, and I will take some, you got yourself here, Ander. And if you could do that, you can do anything you put your mind to. Especially with the support I know you’re gonna have, as reluctant as I’m sure they’ll be at first.”

“We were supposed to have all the time in the world.”
…
“I believed we would. I believed in us. And Ive never loved anyone like I love you. You’re my Heaven.”

You’re not funny. And whether or not that made me laugh doesn’t matter because you’re not funny. It’s a good thing you got me to fall in love with you before I realized how not funny you are.

You do a lot of things to me, cielo, but I think most importantly, you make me feel safe.
I only feel rested when I rest with you.

And then we’re going to tear this building down and feee all the…lives this place and places like it have ruined. Because Santi and all of them don’t deserve to just survive. They deserve to live. To thrive. They deserve the opportunity for happiness and whatever way that comes. They deserve it because they’re human…They’re human, and they deserve humanity.

So maybe chance isn’t all we have. We also have our voice. And your voice is powerful, Ander. Never forget that.

As I drive home, at every red light, I look up into the sky and think the universe… For all the days—good, bad, beautiful, and terrifying—that have let us here now, ready to get on with an exciting, but also still terrifying, future. Whoever is up there and decided they were going to cultivate some fates has all my gratitude.

My family lets us get through exactly 2 songs before they’re lining up. Tita dances with me first, then Mami, Pa, Chachi, Zeke, Ronnie, and a couple waiters who’ve been working here for years. All of them, in their own way, taking a minute to remind me of how proud they are of me, how talented I am, and then I better come back around the minute. I’m back in the state.

With my family and Zeke, whenever I talk to them about shaky confidence or when the uncertainty comes around, they just say keep going. That it’ll fade eventually. ‘Walk it off’. But you? You tried to understand from the beginning. You didn’t come at me with ‘Just feel a different way, then.’ And you gave me a kind of encouragement. No one‘s ever given me before.

Book club reread 🥰