Status Updates From Peep Show: The Scripts and ...

“Jez, can you tell me, as a mate, someone who knows me really well, is the bottom half of me on fire?”

“Have you read the Big Beat Manifesto lately? The Big Beat Manifesto goes, ‘big beats are the best, get high all the time.’”

“As you're always saying, the Beastie Boys fought and possibly died for my right to party.”

“Where am I going to poo? Can’t go to Sophie, she’s in Bristol. I’ll have to go to the pub, they’ll start to think I’m a junkie. I could offer them 50p a poo. Too weird. No, buy a pint each time, just become an alcoholic.”

“Brilliant. The woman you love has only been single for a few minutes but already you've found her a nice new boyfriend. Nice work Mr Fucking Stupid.”

“What we need to do is create a powerful sense of dread. See the longer the note…the more dread.”

“I may be right, I may be wrong, but I’m perfectly willing to swear that when you turned and smiled at me, a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.”

“If I was dying and I decided that even though I'd never particularly been into say Enya before but that now I really really was into Enya and that in fact I thought Enya was great and that Enya died for our sins and I wanted an Enya themed funeral with pictures of Enya and lots and lots of mentions of Enya then I think it would be a bit bloody rich for my sister to ban all mention of Enya from my funeral!”

“No more drugs. I don’t need drugs. I mean, what great music was ever made on drugs? Bowie, obviously. The Floyd, the Prodge, Aphex, the list is endless, really…”

“Yeah well, you know, everything’s decaying, so the way I see it, has there ever been a better time to save up for a very comfortable sofa?”

“The truth is, I suppose, I like you. That's why I said the song. I like you. Is that such a crime? Should I be hounded to the ends of the Earth just for liking you? I like you and if you can't handle it, you can just, you know…fuck off.”

“Why shouldn’t I go for Toni? So she scares me. You can have a good relationship with someone that scares you. Look at me and Dad.”