Status Updates From London's Number One Dog-Wal...

Fabio was, alas, violently sick all over the pavement […] much to the amusement and then horror of some very merry transvestites.

Let me get this straight. You did’t have food for the dog you’re sitting so you just said “that’s fine he can have some spaghetti bolognese.” What the fuck. And using transvestite in 2021 is CRAZY. I am so done.

Often, when you are handed the longest list of requirements for a dog, detailing the most complicated needs and most convoluted back story, the dog turns out to be most pedestrian and normal. The dog is just a dog, carrying the burden of its owners’ neuroses.

In my experience this is so true!

There was never a time when we didn't have a dog, despite the fact that life could often be very disorderly and that a number of them got squashed on the road.

WHAT?! I am learning "I love dogs, I grew up with dogs" means a VERY different thing in the UK than here in the US...