Status Updates From Sadly, Porn

At the devil’s number, approximately — it’s all about balancing ledgers. We know from the blog that Teach is obsessed with True Detective, wherein Rust Cohle (whom I think Teach misunderstands wildly, but that’s another post) carries a big black ledger through swampland such that his peers call him the tax man. Ledgers ledgers ledgers. Love is: not caring about balancing the ledger. Shit, man. Fuck.

Currently on page 600 of 1112, and will finish this by year's end if it kills me -- Teach's analysis of Rebecca is exceedingly interesting if not spot on, though his take on Sophocles is perhaps the opposite. I think I'm deeply in love with him. Infinite Jest for total gooners.

Almost done, only a couple footnotes left and should be smoother sailing from here. This book as affected my mind greatly in the way I see people’s behavior in relationships. How we use defenses, avoid fantasy, want to be told how to want, to be compelled to act, balancing ledgers, depriving others — all these things serving as a barrier to true love.

Reading this primarily this week. Ideas aren’t necessarily new at this point, just being reinforced with more examples.

E.g., creating an elaborate fantasy for an omnipotent entity to deprive another since they enjoyed more than you, being resentful of being depended on, doing things for an audience and letting them be the judge.

A simple thing that’s stuck: one day, no matter what, I will be depended on.

Been a minute since I picked this up.

Another common theme: love without obligation. Love is only aspirational if it is done without obligation. If it is a child’s real mother, there love doesn’t count, because they are only doing their duty. Why is obligation bad? Because it proves that the replacement (the child) is more important than the parent.

Crazy to think I’m not even halfway — by the GR calculation about 40%.

Lack of enjoyment qua purpose of social media = Depriving others. Inability to act. Privacy is dangerous because it leads to fantasy which leads to action. Control the fantasy by pornographizing everything = making everything public. If it’s public it’s someone else’s fantasy so no more responsibility. And so on

Takes hours to get through a small amount of pages. It’s getting into the meat and potatoes re porn at this point. Voyeurism is more acceptable than fantasy, it’s not our own fantasy if it’s online so we’re not perverts, the woman taking a picture of herself is a slut if she hands it to others personally but is famous and respected if she posts online - so goes the argument at this point. Some caveats, sure.

“Information is not a powerful tool for change, information is a defense against impotence—not a defense against becoming impotent, but a way of living with it: it facilitates impotence.”

Wow. The amount of time I have spent compiling information on a career choice versus the action I have put into exploring my options. A great way to explain that behavior.