Status Updates From Heaven Official's Blessing:...

“Umm.” Xie Lian coughed. “Does anyone have anything to eat?”
No one responded. Banyue took out a pot.
“I’m sorry, but I only have this…”
The moment that Pei Ming saw it was the pot of Toppled Phoenixes, he yelled, “Why are you still holding on to that thing?! Who are you trying to kill? Throw it out, now!”

Save it for your enemies.

Blossoms fell like blood; blood danced like petals on the wind. His face was as spirited and handsome as the first time they met, and his eye was bright and lively. He languidly sheathed that long, slender silver scimitar and spoke with a deep voice.
“Your Highness, I’m back.”

Dashing husband to the rescue! 💖

“Your Highness? Your Highness, do you have an antidote or something? You can’t just kill someone and not bury the body. And you!” Pei Ming admonished Banyue. “Is this how you cooked for him? What’s with this snake? It’s still moving even after it was cooked for so long—is it a spirit now?!”

Told you!

“Fighting and killing things all day! Never mind not bothering to paint your face—how come you don’t even know how to cook?”
Xie Lian and Banyue were both speechless. [..]
“Put it down, Banyue. I’ll teach you,” Xie Lian said.

Oh no.

“He might spit in the cup of someone he doesn’t like, but he would never poison the water,” Xie Lian continued.
“…”
“Really? That’s still gross, though,” Hua Cheng commented indifferently.
Veins were popping on Fu Yao’s forehead. “No! He would never spit either!”
“Laxatives, then,” Xie Lian said.

Really endearing him to us.

“Those whatchamacallits—those Incorruptible Chastity Pellets really are tenacious poison. I’ve only gotten through twenty-something cups; how long will it take before I reach eighty-one?”
Xie Lian was speechless; he hadn’t imagined that those monks and cultivators would be so gullible. He’d told them to drink eighty-one cups of water, and so they really planned on drinking exactly eighty-one cups of water.

lol

“Stop right there—!”
When he looked back, he saw the mob charging out of the clothing store.
I have to wonder what’s going through the heads of people who yell “stop right there.” It’s obvious the one they’re yelling at won’t stop. They’ll just hold their breath and run faster! Xie Lian thought, and he put those very thoughts into action, dashing away all the quicker.

Duh

Gdyby xie lian wstąpił na demoniczna ścieżka n byłabym wcale zdziwiona bo ja pierdole