Status Updates From Aesthetica

I decided to read the wattpad writing like it was satire and the book is much more tolerable. Now perusing influencer instagrams feels sordid and I want to call my mom.

“In my bikini, ketchup on my breast” that you breastily wipe away? “I fetch a bottle from my black-and-white bag” and hit publish on Wattpad? “I suck the vape” and the dude I swear is writing this under a female penname surreptitiously adjusts the now-bulging crotch of his gym shorts? My eye is already twitching.