Status Updates From A testem

“I will no longer blame myself for having become small and digestible for you. I have grown past shame and fear and into anger. It is ugly, but I am not scared of it. I want more for myself. I will proclaim all of my mistakes and contradictions…”

“We become particularly sensitive to the moods and emotions of others. We are nimble and excellent at Shapeshifting. We oscillate between feeling special and feeling alone. We feel simultaneously capable of both saving and destroying those we love.”

“I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but check the rearview mirror to study my face, polished, and free of make up. I guess he thought I looked pretty, I think. I smirk a little despite myself. I noticed that my lips look pale. As I drive home, I reach into my bag and put on some lipstick.”

“For a long time, I didn’t think my body was worthy of the attention required to take care of it. I expected my body to function, but I tended to ignore it, even when it called out to me.”

“Why hadn’t I developed that skill? I longed to be more like her. I wanted to be able to say, I didn’t want him, to myself and to my friends and to the whole damn world.”

“ in my early 20s, it had never occurred to me that the women who gained their power from Beauty were indebted to the man whose desire granted them that power in the first place.”

“It wasn’t until I was older that it struck me: how had I already been introduced to the concept of competition between women before I had even learned to read?”