Status Updates From Het boek waarvan je wilde d...

"--- We feel hungry when we need to eat, we feel physical pain when we need to get out of the fire, and we feel lonely when we need to be with other people and feel seen and accepted by them. Loneliness is a necessary feeling, just like thirst and hunger. Ignore it at your peril, as it can be a major cause of deterioration of mental and physical health.

"Loneliness used to be associated with poor social skills or being a bit odd, so there's still stigma and shame attached to it. But there shouldn't be: loneliness affects everyone. It's felt so strongly because it's alerting you to what you need to do — find company. Humans are not isolates; we are pack animals. ---"

"Dissociating from distress is a mammalian survival mechanism, a reflex, but the downside to it is that people can experience flashbacks to those feelings they cut off from.

Dissociating from a memory leaves people without any control over when they access it, and it can come to haunt them as though it had come out of nowhere."

WHOA

(masih soal avoidant attachment style)

"The disadvantage of this style is that, in later life, you can't allow other people to get close to you. As with the insecure attachment style, it is possible to work to change an attachment style, with a lot of practice and work."

WHOA

(still talking about avoidant attachment style)

"When the people pass you in the desert, eventually you stop waving to get their attention because you don't see the point — and they probably think that, as you're not waving and crying, you don't need them."

WHOA

(talking about avodant attachment style)

"I you were often left to cry it out and a lot of the time no one answered your cries, you tend to give up. Your internal belief system and mantra would become 'I won't get their attention so what's the point of trying?' You wouldn't believe you have influence over other people, you wouldn't expect to be understood by them and you'd grow up seeing yourself as a loner."

WHOA

If, when you were a baby, your needs for closeness and sustenance were usually consistently met, you're likely to grow up feeling that other people are generally good. This means you can trust people, get on with others, generally feel optimistic and connect easily with others. All this helps you to have a nice life.

The often-asserted belief that men have to be 'strong' does, in my opinion, far more harm than good.

"--- I believe that, while we wait for the politicians to rectify this unfairness, perhaps the previous generation could help out new parents financially as well as emotionally."

KEREN

"Humans are not meant to stand alone, mute and strong; we are pack animals, members of a tribe. Get the tribe to help. It is so much harder to finance a family now than it was for the generation before us because buying or renting a home costs many times as much as it did. ---"

"Humans are not meant to stand alone, mute and strong; we are pack animals, members of a tribe. Get the tribe to help."

!!!!!!

What breast-crawl research and practice can show us is that it's okay to watch our babies and learn about what they can do and what they need by observing them.

"--- For an average of fifteen minutes nothing much happens, then the baby uses their legs to propel themselves into position, alternating bursts of activity with rest."

warbiyasa. fatabarakallahu ahsanul khaliqeen.

"Widström and others at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden researched this and found that when a newborn is placed on the mother's abdomen directly after the birth the baby can find the mother's breast all on their own. ---"

"If you don't treat your child as a person, if you have dealt with them rather than felt with them, you might find, when that child becomes a teenager or an adult and you want to have a conversation with them, they are not very forthcoming with you."

"--- So, it is important to accept our own feelings rather than denying them, and essential to accept our children with whatever they may be feeling too. By helping a child put their feelings into words (or pictures) we help them to process them as well as to find acceptable ways for them to communicate what they feel."

"In our great need of wanting our children to be happy, sometimes we push them away when they are angry or sad. But for good mental health, children need to have their feelings accepted and to learn acceptable ways of expressing all their feelings — and the same is true for us adults. ---"

Be there for the child, be attentive and be mindful about your own discomfort. Be concerned, but do not overreact. Stay calm and do not leave the child alone to cry. Do not distract the child or 'shush' them or tell them they aren't feeling what they are. Keep on listening, offer a hug if it is wanted. After a while the child may find an activity or you may suggest one, but not while they are deep in their distress.

If you ignore their hurt, you are not being the mirror for them you need to be. Acknowledge what they feel; give them a hug and say something in a kind way like, 'You don't want me to go to work, and I will be back at teatime.'

"--- Think of it like this: if your child has hurt themselves, or had their feelings hurt or their wishes denied, if you distract them from what they feel rather than help them work through it, it will discourage them from holding their attention on difficult things. And you do not want your child to be easily distracted from doing a difficult task."

"If you repeatedly distract your child from what they feel or from their experience, you are also unwittingly discouraging them from being able to concentrate. ---"

Besides, if your child wants something you do not want them to have, like your car key, say, they need to learn they cannot have it rather than just being temporarily distracted away from it.

Your children are liable to treat you in whatever manner you treat them. You would not like it if you asked to discuss their school report with them and they pointed out of the window and said, 'Look! Squirrel!'

"--- they concentrate on the sensation of your fingers stroking their forehead. In this example, you are not trying to trick them — they know what is going to happen you're offering distraction as a comfort."

"I'm not saying there is no place for distraction, but not as a manipulative tactic. If, for example, your child needs to have a medical procedure, it may be a good idea to tell them they will feel it less if, instead of concentrating on the injection, ---"