Status Updates From The Sex Lives of African Wo...

Tchai, are there no African voice narrators? Why is it always a British person?

I'll also tell people if I am not that into them. I don't keep them around to see what happens. I know what it's like for someone to hold that kind of power over you, and so I never want to be that person. I now have a compulsive need to speak up about everything because I was silent for so long. Silence leads to damage and lam a product of that.

The biggest lesson I learnt is that you should never change for anybody because they will still leave you anyway
and you can only ever be true to yourself. I faded in that relationship. I became someone else. I stopped going out to bars and clubs even though I don't drink because he didn't like it. I stopped talking to some of my friends.

I've never been the same since that relationship. There is a lightness that I had before which has never returned. l learnt that you can take your ribs out for a man, bend over backwards, and change everything about yourself, but he will still leave if he wants to. I learnt that you can change your friends, change the people in your life and change everything about yourself but it's never enough

“I will never get married again. I think the institution of marriage has been set up to trick women. They tell you that once you get married the guy takes care of you but that's not true. Many women lose all the privileges of a free woman when they get married and what they gain is nothing compared to what they lose.”

A broken heart gives you more ground to learn and play. It means you're shedding old skin and that can ultimately be a good thing if you allow it to teach you. If you choose to remain stuck in pain you won't progress. But if you allow your intuition to lead you, and you trust your inner voice, ultimately things will work for your own good.

“For most of my life, the church had formed my
sense of self and how 1 viewed the world. Leaving allowed me to start over from a blank slate. I no longer felt like I wanted to fight the desires of my flesh. I decided that I really wanted to listen to what my flesh wanted and desired, and not cast it as carnal, hedonistic or demonic. I started to recognise my desires as natural, and that's when…”

“Monogamy is a violent word: it's her way of trying to control me. The desire to be intimate with people is ultimately down to the individual because our bodies and existence are ours. When I am really into someone, I get a kind of tunnel vision; they are the only one I can see. There is that inexplicable connection but that is not the only way to be.”