Status Updates From Pearls Before Swine 2023 Da...

Pig: "I'm tired of the unpredictability of life. I need certainty."
Rat: "I can give you certainty."
Pig: "You can?"
Rat: "Sure. There is a hundred percent certainty that your life will have no certainty."
Pig: "Not sure that helps."
Rat: "Don't be so certain."

"Have I ever told you my opinion that cyclists should maybe stop at stop signs like the rest of us?"

Pig: Dear life,
Every time I do something bad, I regret it afterwards. But it's too late then. So please invent a type of regret I can feel beforehand. Call it a 'pregret.'

Imagine there's no Facebook,
It's easy if you try.
No trolls berate us,
Around us no more lies.

Goat: You know, Pig, I've been thinking a lot about the afterlife lately. What do pigs think happens to them after they die?
Pig: They get squished between lettuce and tomato and called a B.L.T.
Goat: I meant more in the heavenly sense.
Pig: A B.L.T. can be pretty heavenly.

National Pi Day

March 12 - I've read this one before, another gem.

January, 29 - I'm a bit behind, but this one is a real gem. Too long to quote, though.

Goat: You seem a lot calmer lately, Rat. Not nearly so angry. How do you do it?
Rat: Well, when I get up in the morning, I take a few minutes just for myself.
Goat: I see. To breathe deeply? Meditate?
Rat: To sledgehammer the @#&% out of a rock.
Goat: Not quite meditation.
Rat: We're living in sledgehammer times.

Because it can't be worse!
I really hope so...