Status Updates From The Squire's Quest (The Squ...

IM FINALLY READING THIS BOOK IM SO HAPPY

I've never actually read the works of Chrétien de Troyes, but I don't think this is accurate. Of his five extent works, three have the main couple married while two involve courtly love (which seem to be respectively at his patron's insistence, and a possible parody). And as far as I can tell, NONE ended tragically.

"...I'd say that that the trollope..."

Okay, whoever the editor of this is, this is like the third or fourth typo I've found.

Hmm. Seems kind of gauche to inform Mordred himself of his parentage in front of the whole crowd. Like, if Arthur had done this spontaneously when he first arrived that'd be one thing, but when you plan a whole event, you should probably take him aside and explain the situation first.

Wait. Why hasn't Thessala given Alis more Happiness Potion? Then he'd just think Fenice was alive or something.

"Chapter 11: The Courtly Love of Cligés and Fenice"

I was kind of hoping that we'd just leave them where we last saw them. It would have been bad writing, sure, but it'd be nice if we could focus on THE PROPHECIZED FALL OF CAMELOT, y'know?

Why are we doing Greek mythology now?

"He didn't either say that."

I'm not sure what that's supposed to be, but it's a typo no matter what.

"...Lancelot and Guinevere's brief romance had ended years before."

Their affair lasted for seven years. It just seemed "brief" to Terence because he spent most of it in the Other World.

*sobbing* This is at least 520 years before the Great Schism.

This is just to facilitate more bad religious commentary, isn't it?

Arthur's not illegitimate. It's pretty much universally agreed that his parents were married. Not when he was conceived, but by the time he was born, and legitimacy counts even if they marry after that. Is this not true in this continuity, or does Morris just not understand how this works?

For the sake of my mental health, I'm going to assume that she means "the antipodes" as a general term for the other side of the planet and NOT Morris implying that sixth century Britons knew about Australia.

"What do you mean, 'courtly love?' Is that a special sort?"

*sputters indignantly*

Are you gaslighting me?! Morris has his characters prattle on about this topic in practically every book, do not PRETEND like there is anybody in this universe who doesn't know what that term means!

(What does Dinadan mean, a NEW kind of song? Canonically, "courtly love" has been a thing for at least 16 years now.)

"...and Africa had been conquered by the people of Muhammad."

That's...less wrong than the stuff about Charlemagne.

"Never once did he hint that King Mark might have had reason to be angry about his wife's love affair with another."

You? Also? Portrayed Mark as an asshole? For some reason? Do you not remember that, Morris?

(Seriously, I have to stop pointing out every little problem, it's only the first chapter, but it's systematically ticking off every pet peeve I have with this series.)

Meet Fenice. She's Like Other Girls, so she'll be one of our designating punching bag for this book.

"Terence and Gawain had opposed her plots against the king more than once."

HAS it been more than once? I can't even remember. Morgause and her lackeys keep popping in to vaguely remind us that she exists, and Terence and Gawain keep popping into other people's stories, I honestly can't remember if T&G should know about her or not.

"So now, because the pope's a busybody without a lick of sense, we have two bleedin' Roman Empires."

THERE WERE TWO ROMAN EMPIRES BEFORE THE ROMAN EMPIRE FELL! Look, I already peeked at the Author's Note about how Morris doesn't feel like he has to be historical accurate, and I even agree, but stop going out of your way to EMPHASIZE how ahistorical you're being!

Gawain, ca. 530s: *talks about Charlemagne as a historical figure*
Me, a person who knows basic history: *twitch*

I think part of the problem is that I've read Carolingian legends, which are RATHER CLEAR that they take place after King Arthur. (Merlin's ghost is a recurring character.)

They're not half-brothers, they're adoptive brothers.

*sigh* Just two more books. And who knows, maybe they'll be good?

*looks at Table of Contents* Oh. I see we're parodying courtly love again. That's...better than when Morris tackles religion, at least.