Status Updates From Big Machine

“Belief is a wrestling match that lasts a lifetime.”

63-67: WILFRED YOU SON OF A BITCH.

58-62: bro. what is this story?! Devil’s Well sounds like a nightmare.

RIP to Mr. Washburn- he should’ve shot both them mf in that tunnel!!

Also, I TOLD YOU RICKY SHOULDA BEEN SHOT UP. No real junkie is gonna carry/save 6 bags of heron for that damn long. Especially after finding out he might be mf orefnant. That would’ve been the first got damn thing I did. Now his shit is swimming in the tunnels!!

Update: the dean is not white? wtf was I smoking 😭

54-57: PREGNANT?! Bitch. What the actual fuck is going on? This is like some Alien shit. Ricky really needs to shoot tf up cause that is BONKERS. Church of Clay is so mf lame. Be original. Also, glad Adele dig her big one on Claude. They def should’ve paid him but his goofy ass should’ve been demanding cash. Loser ass.

49-53: WHAT THE FUCK?!

The Washerwomen were SCAM ARTISTS!! This got SUPER DARK. fuck.

31-48: them dressing in really fancy clothes all the time reminds me of the umbrella academy. they must stick out like a sore thumb everywhere they go!

Solomon Clay is a bad mf! I genuinely don’t know who is right and who is wrong. I don’t dig the idea of innocent people getting hurt in the process but I guess that’s how it goes.

Ricky holding onto that heroin for dear life. Just shoot up!!

22-30: Ricky growing up in a cult makes a lot of sense. Adele seems like a no nonsense woman and I like that! But wtf is really going on!!

10-21: okay so they’re the school of unlikely scholars. We’ve heard Euphinia’s story, I wanna know everyone else’s. The thought of closely analyzing newspaper clippings and investigative reports from the previous scholars sounds so monotonous! What are they even looking for?!

7-9: wtf is this place?! school for Black criminals and misfits?! And why is the dean white?!

5-6: people from New York LOVE telling somebody they’re from New York. WE DONT CARE!!

Lake would’ve absolutely BEAT RICKY’S ASS!!

chapter 2: that unhoused man on the bus would’ve blew me! Not even an hour into the trip and he was already tweaking! He for sure died on that highway though. RIP 🪦

chapter 1: Cheryl needs to relax. Also, whoever blew up stall number three needs to go get checked out and then go to jail IMMEDIATELY after!!