Status Updates From Closer Baby Closer

there’s only what we’ve felt and speculation

look up at the high walls of the heart’s
atrium, this waiting room echoes
and echoes,
everything that was ever inside stays,
your big ideas, the gossip of the rain,
the collective voice
of everyone you’ve loved
asking if you’re not

the self you’ve given away, then what

you! you! you! are so afraid that in the middle of your break up fuck this life will moan to no confusion some other baby’s name

you’ll get by now that
all this is sad because pigeons
do know how to hurt
but don’t know how to sin,
this is why i’m not quite
so sad about me,
i get exactly what i deserve

when i’m better i’ll find what went missing,
the books, the equations, the stars,
and give them straight to the boy in the kitchen
that day, they’re for him have it all

so unlike how i know you:
like being given regular
transfusions of my own dirty
blood, watching the sun rise
over a world i invented, one
i’m so afraid to begin again