Status Updates From Foul Play

Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.
(Janet Evanovich, 1988)

“I suppose we should talk now.”

Amy cuddled next to him. “I don’t know. It seems to me we’ve just said it all.”

“Me, man…you, woman?”

“Something like that. I was thinking more along the lines of you, Mr. Elliott…me, Mrs. Elliott.”

“Lady”—Jake grinned—“you’re in luck. I have a cancellation this afternoon.”

“I’m going to ruin you and your little friend here,” the enraged cameraman ground out. “I’m gonna nail your hide to the wall.”

“Don’t mess with me,” Jake said levelly. “I specialize in neutering.”

How could she not love a man who proposed with his tie floating in his coffee? It was…real

Patio door locked with jimmy bar

(Merriam-Webster says “jimmy” = short crowbar … was one wedged under the door to lock it?)

“East Stroudsburg and Wind Gap are in Pennsylvania?”

Hours and minutes, she decided, weren’t an accurate measure of progress in a relationship. She could marry Jake tomorrow and feel absolutely confident in their future

This is my first matinee. Do you do anything different when you make love in the sunshine?

“Being in love is a painful experience. It’s…obsessive. I have all this love energy.”

Love energy. Amy thought it was a great phrase. She knew exactly what he meant. She had love energy, too

She felt as though she’d been run over by a dumptruck. She remembered Jake and decided it was a terrific dumptruck.

after we’d been engaged for two months he gave me ultimatum. Something to effect that he had no intention of ever buying suit without first trying it on.

Jeff might have put it little crudely, but he did me favor. marriage ceremony wouldn’t have made any difference in way I felt about Jeff. I wasn’t in love with him, and I didn’t want to share my body with him.

Isn’t this against your Hippocratic oath?

I didn’t take a Hippocratic oath. I said the pledge of allegiance under a picture of Dr. Dolittle

He took credit card from his wallet & inserted it between door and jamb.

“That’s against law!” Amy said.

“Nonsense. police taught me how to do this. They wouldn’t teach me to do something illegal. It must only illegal if you intend to steal something.”

“I don’t think it’s breaking and entering, because I didn’t break anything.”

Lust,” Amy repeated. “It’s such an ugly word. There’s no music to it, no depth.”

“You aren’t thinking of playing detective, are you?”

Jake looked offended. “It isn’t as if I haven’t any experience. I watch lot of television. I saw Beverly Hills Cop three times.”

appendectomy had been less painful than this run.

wondered at weight of her mascaraed eyelashes. How the devil did she keep her eyes open with all that gunk on them

Her digital clock said 6:55. That seemed like the middle of the day after years of arising at four. A welcome luxury,

After just half day on job, Amy had come to realize Jake never refused a patient. Consequently, he continually ran late, and his small waiting room was always packed to overflowing

After just half day on job, Amy had come to realize Jake never refused a patient. Consequently, he continually ran late, and his small waiting room was always packed to overflowing

She’d survived teaching first grade and had thrived on hectic pace of television, but she’d never encountered anything like Jacob Elliott’s veterinary clinic. It was looney bin.

Falling in love was supposed to be slow process. Falling in love came after lot of dating. What she was experiencing here had to be lust,

Jacob Elliott in unbuttoned splendor sent her blood pressure soaring. This was probably very healthy. She wouldn’t even have to jog tonight. Her heart rate couldn’t get any faster

Amy winced at scratches on Jake’s bare chest. This job is going to be lot like teaching first grade, she thought. Wiping up puddles and administering first aid

immediately stepped in soft, malodorous brown mound. four-letter expletive she uttered fit occasion perfectly

You have to be careful where you walk around vet’s office

She studied Jacob Elliott, deciding he had to have been at head of line when God was giving out all good stuff. Not just physical good stuff like broad shoulders & perfect teeth. Jacob Elliott had intangible qualities that, even in her inexperienced state, Amy knew would make him extraordinary lover and good friend. There was gentleness about him, satisfaction w/life, generous sense of humor.

I’m not deflowering you. I’m dedressing you.

twenty-six-year-old virgin. He’d thought they’d gone the way of the dinosaur. Jake held her at arm’s length. What the devil was he supposed to do with a drunk virgin

always get nervous about the first kiss.”

“Only the first kiss?”

“Uh,

Good. Then let’s get the damn thing over with.