Status Updates From The Seven Levels of Intimac...

64: "Let discipline guide you as a couple in your approach to food, exercise, sleep, finances, the ways you explore and share your spirituality..."
Discipline is indispensable in the lives of successful people. Why would relationships be any different?
"Is your primary relationship thriving or just surviving?
How much is discipline a part of that relationship?
Do you want a successful relationship - what makes one?"

63-- "if we truly loved another person, we would never do or encourage anything that would prevent that person from becoming the best-version-of-themselves."

62: DISCIPLINE
"The problem is we don't want discipline. We want someone to tell us we can be happy without discipline. But we can't. In fact, if you want to measure the level of happiness in your life, measure the level of discipline in your life."

63: "If you want to measure the effectiveness of your relationship, measure the discipline in it."

62: "Is freedom, then, the core of the experience we call human life? No. Love is the essence of life. Love is the one task worthy of life. We busy ourselves with so many things, while the one great task we set aside, ignore, neglect. Love is your task--to love yourself by striving to become the best-version-of-yourself, to love others by encouraging and assisting them on their quest to become their best selves."

"When are we most fully alive? When we embrace a life of discipline. The human person thrives on discipline.
Discipline is the key to freedom.. all great men and women know the value of delayed gratification." (61)

Discipline
"Discipline is a gift we give ourselves. Relationships thrive with discipline. Discipline is the price life demands for happiness. You cannot be happy for any sustained period of time without discipline. Discipline is the road that leads to the fullness of life." (60)

"'How long have you been away?' Peter asked.
The stranger smiled and said, 'Two whole days.'
Peter was stunned. He had guessed, from the intensity of their greeting, that the man had been gone weeks, if not months.
Peter said, 'I hope my marriage is that passionate after 12 years!'
The man said, 'Don't just hope, friend, decide!'" (269)

and covered in smiles, they reminded Peter of newlyweds, though he knew from the children they couldn't be.'" (268)

267-269: Airport Story
After lovingly greeting his kids:
"'I've saved best for last,' and proceeded to kiss and embrace his wife. After a long moment, they drew back to look at each other. He stared into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, 'I love you so much.' As they stood, staring into each other's eyes, holding hands with both hands

265: "Let me ask you this: If you wanted to make your significant other feel completely loved, what would you do? Are you doing these things? If not, why not?"

"The greatest power we possess is our ability to make people feel loved... When we focus on loving people, we have a certain glow; we feel better about ourselves and our lives."

262-263:
"Those who fail to plan can plan to fail. Most people aren't planning to fail at their relationships, they're failing to plan. One of the most powerful ways you can show your love and commitment to a person is to make time to dream a vision of the future together. The sheer act of dreaming&planning will consciously &subconsciously cause you to move more boldly in the direction of your richly imagined future"

252-260: Plan
-Establish a common goal in your relationship
-Clearly define what makes a relationship great
-Agree on a plan to establish a great relationship
-Believe you can achieve your plan
-Make it an absolute 'must' to be part of a great relationship
-Persevere and follow through
-Hold each other accountable to your purpose and plan
-Don't give up in the face of major challenges

"This is why it's important to be clear about what we are looking for in a relationship. There are few things more powerful than a clear vision. Once you know what you're looking for, you'll be amazed how quickly it appears."

251: "Whatever we give our mental attention to will increase in our lives. If we think about positive things, it is positive things we attract. If we think about scarcity, it is scarcity we attract. If we think about abundance, we attract abundance."

250:
"What would the physical traits/level of health of your ideal partner be?
What are some emotional qualities your partner would possess?
What intellectual characteristics would they display?
What spiritual beliefs/practices would they have?
What would their professional life involve?
What are their hobbies, interests, passions, values and beliefs?"

--> then, identify those that are non-negotiable

"If you sit down and write out the ways a great relationship would cause you to flourish and thrive, establishing a great relationship would likely become significantly more important to you.
People who describe people who have great relationships as 'lucky' never make it an absolute must to have a great relationship."

239: "Create a vision. Establish the purpose of your relationship. Commit to a plan that is realistic and agreed upon. Believe."

"Most people are more interested in simply surviving than they are in thriving. Most people have what they must have, not what they would like to have."

236 IMPORTANT: "What's your vision of a great relationship? What would it take for you to be fulfilled in your relationship?"

"When we don't establish what makes a great relationship for us, we are constantly window-shopping. Driven by our whims, cravings, ego and self-centered interests, our vision of what makes a great relationship changes every day"

234: "Many people say they want love, but do everything in their power to avoid it. Many people say they want intimacy desperately, but do everything in their power to avoid it. Many people say they desperately want a great relationship while doing everything in their power to avoid or sabotage one."

228: "...anger, resentment, discontentedness, and frustration are often signs that our needs are not being met. Learn to listen to your anger, frustration and stress. They are trying to tell you something. Is there an unmet legitimate need crying out from within them?"

226:
"When someone we love resorts to clichés, something is wrong--there is a need, a hurt, or a barrier that must be addressed."

-Talks about 7th level
-Summarizes levels 1-3

He could have picked up the phone and told his wife, "Listen, honey, I'm having a stressful day. I really need to just enjoy a quiet meal with you tonight and relax." Had he done so, his wife would be aware of his needs."

224-225: Jim had a tough day at the office. Jim kept thinking throughout the day, "I can't wait to get home, eat a good meal and watch the game." But when he arrives home, his wife announces that they're going to finalize the guest list for their daughter's wedding. Jim is resentful and moody.

If we can learn to speak and understand the language of needs we will no longer find ourselves quietly resenting our unfulfillment, but will find that our conversations turn to how we can help each other fulfill our legitimate needs in the future"