Status Updates From Zanzara

I am going put this back on my to be read list till I get a new copy in, I got almost halfway through and one of our puppies shredded it SMH lol

Ok...I have actually cracked it open and started it this time ...off to crazy bodice ripper land ;)

...Yup. Our heroine fearlessly endures some displaced Mozambique prince's giant wang. This whole book is lousy with displaced royalty & giant wangs. Oh, snap! :D

'Her mistress was a strange one. One minute this Duchess de Morenguey possessed the elegance of royalty, the next she was as bawdy & as accursed as many of the Berber houris. She needs the strength of a man to whip her & love her & sing the songs if Suleiman for certain. Still, all in all, she was a good mistress.' ....Poor Alisha just doesn't understand multiple personalities. :P

...Huh. Some creep just got his pecker sliced off. Never again will I question your quest to cram all the WTFery into a single volume, ZANZARA. All you're missing is a gang of dwarves. >:D

Phaedra's got a full-on multiple personality disorder going with Zanzara. So bizarre. What else can this marvelous trashy tome roll out? :D

'He thrust his hands through the bars, grasping the other by the neck, pulling him against the bars in a lethal hold. "Capria, eh? Why do you call me Capria? Who told you my name? Who are you, you misbegotten son of an impotent hunchback camel!"' ....BEST CREATIVE INSULT. :D

"You insist on becoming a courtesan. Whatever your reasons I'm disinclined to learn of them. But, dear child, if you think you've seen the sordid side of life here, the worst humanity has to offer here in the bordello, it's nothing compared to the debaucheries that await you in the court of Napoleon III."

Story update: Phaedra runs away to save her husband, changes her name back to Zanzara, & hides in a bordello...where they use DILDOS!! *clutches pearls*

'The obliging mafioso pulled their guest into the room &, with a waving motion of his hand, gestured to his companions. At the same time he projected a mysterious force of power. "Questo sonno mi amici. Alora, paesano, what do you tell me, eh? What brings you here to favor us with your visit?"' ....Break out the wine casks & horse heads, y'all. Sicilian Mafia is getting involved in this here bungled revolution.

'He'd been like a father to Darius, caring for him, dressing him, feeding him at times, listening to his whimsy, sharing in the happier moments. But that was long ago. Now the walls were crumbling. The basest of all infamitas! He'd produced the prince's own daughter to satisfy his prurient & salacious appetites!' ....*fail horn* Accidental incest, oh noes! :P

'She moved through the haze of death's presence like a sleepwalker & suddenly stopped short, arrested by that same look of demoniacal horror on Raquel's face that had earlier jolted Sarafina with the awareness that this death was not one of natural causes.' ....Zounds! Someone has poisoned Milady Raquel! :O

'There was something she could do--had already set into action--something Delfino didn't suspect. She smiled enigmatically in that mysterious, secretive manner that women often do to distract men & drive them to borderline insanity.' ....This writing. Lolz. :D But Raquel is still badass. Love her.

'Within the alcove were the hunched-over figures of shrouded skeletons, hung from pegs on a wall like so many trophies. Her eyes, wide as saucers, moved slowly from one to the next, arranged in a semicircle behind what appeared to be a shrine at the center of the alcove.' ....Secret tunnels built into creepy statues! (Followed by a rape scene, natch.) OMGWTF. Could it be...satanists?! >:D

'She asked herself, countless times, why she couldn't learn to accept these marvelous gifts to her life without the fleeting images of internal turbulence stirring her to disquiet. No answers of consequence came. She just didn't know what it was, but sensed instinctively that the forces of evil were lurking nearby.' ....WTF, creepy statues & gothic danger!sense. This book is schizo.

'Phaedra, trembling, turned from him. How could she tell him all about her--how? If that wasn't enough, what had happened only earlier that day, with that accursed Bourbon deterred her. She felt humiliated. She knew if she answered him truthfully, that she'd hurt him, because she hadn't fully detested the act--only the situation.' ....Retroactive traitorous body = sordid backstory en route. >:D

'He gasped audibly while in the throes of a loud & animated orgasm. Inadvertently he'd knocked the knife from her hand & it fell clattering but unheard, to the tiled floor, drowned out by bansheelike wails escaping his lips, which were followed by the animal noises made by man since the beginning of time. His shuddering thrusts shook the bed under Phaedra.' ....I just LOL'd at work. Bwahahaa. >:D

'She accepted the wine glass from LeBlanc's outstretched hand & smiled fetchingly. "You're most astute, Colonel. Better you, than to be eaten alive by those dogs who take orders from you. If I know anything it's the chaff from the wheat, mon ami." Her transition was fascinating to behold.' ....LeBlanc = idiot. And possibly Red Shirt fodder.

Trying to survive this epic opener infodump of Sicilian political upheaval. Yikes.