Status Updates From The Mutual Friend

I'm hoping to start the new year off with a banger, I've had this on my shelf staring at me for a year now pleeeeease be good

"So was that your friend from work?" "That was my ex-girlfriend." "Really?" "Really." "Serious?" "Dead serious." "No, I mean was it serious? Between the two of you." Their love was the gravity that moored him to the earth. "Pretty serious."