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Them city slickers, sure got what they had comin' to 'em.

This book was written in 1976. And the writing still holds up to anything written in 1st person narrative today. The author utilizes PoV to a degree that I hardly see in print today. The narrative voice/everything from the perspective of the main character.

With the ending focused on Helsa/Hanuvar world-building could have been stronger in relation to aforementioned character.

"She knew there was more to it than that, but she didn’t ask for details."

Passive voice completely unnecessary. If PoV is strong throughout it helps to support the voice as a whole, bringing life to the main character via the written word / reader dynamic...

"There was more to it than that, but Jessa didn’t ask for details."

"Jessa was sure Hanuvar would somehow drag him forward, or trip him into the cavity." This is the first we hear of this cavity. How did it get there and why weren't we told? READER must come 1st.

This hole, (which I predict will resolve all threads), should have been written into the story with intention. It is an important key plot device and should have been treated as such.

"Were he as he had been when he had ruled as the sorcerer king, he would have laughed at the revenant’s folly."

There are 4 'he's in this sentence. 4 of them.

"The amulet was carried by a man in silly armor perched on top of the
wooden deckhouse..."

We don't know it's one of the revenants until you clue us in. We are only readers. Author took the time in the beginning to describe their black and yellow armor. What was the point of that, if not to reuse the info now?

"Jessa was already calculating the challenges
in front of her."

There is a lot of passive voice in this story. I had not mentioned earlier examples. Passive voice is most apparent when you unwittingly place it upon an action bearing sentence, such as the one above.

And again, haphazard with the 'ing.

A simple: ['Jessa calculated the challenges in front of her.] would have sufficed.

“Do you feel that?” Jessa asked. Dimly, she perceived something
peculiar about the trunks Melara touched, but it was only a vague
sensation.

What was the sensation? We will never know. PoV

Part 9 Opens with unknown actor. 'Her, 'she. A few sentences in we realize it is our thinly written protagonist.

'cognitive dissonance' This psychology term is out of place in this story.

"Jessa suddenly understood who had boarded their ship
and been telling her stories."

If Jessa knows now who Helsa really, who this, 'Hanuvar is. Why in the nine hells are we in the dark?

We are supposed to be in her PoV. Further on we get dialogue from, 'the general. Whom we must assume is Hanuvar.

Disjointed storytelling. This could have been avoided. PoV is the foundation of modern writing. Think of the READER

Helsa is actually Hanuvar!

Who in the Hell is Hanuvar and why should we care?

We didn't even get a story from the 'storyteller. I'm still wondering how the author could have missed such a golden opportunity to world-build.

"Helsa ripped the eye patch from his face." Did we know that he had an eye patch? I don't remeber it in his description. Describing characters must be done early. Set the image early. When you add a description late it detracts from the immersion. This is also something that good editors should watch for.

This 'Tessa is a typo. I searched the document. I searched for a Tessa and finding none, must assume this is Jessa. It is supposed to be Jessa. Really detracts from the story.

"Tessa’s heart hammered as...."

Who is this Tessa? We haven't heard this name since part 1 or part 3?

Anyhow, why we get Tessa's PoV i haven't a clue. If it isn't done intentionally, with purpose, then it hinders the readers immersion.

This story is getting good, but it could have been executed better. Namely by considering the reader with each line transposed to print. The reader, always to the forefront.

Part 5 begins jarringly. No sense of time of day or is it night. Yes, it's a ship but some setting is required.

3rd paragraph. It is night because the men on deck are asleep.

Story by now has warmed up.

The story's elements, I sense a convergence. I am hoping these threads will converge.

I appreciated the candor relating to the vices of men. It does add an element of realism to the tale. And the Father/Captain doing his best to see the journey through. Keep hi people safe. He seems to sense the danger, but from the revenants not the thing below...

Really appreciate the quote in this chapter about Love and Understanding being the same thing.

Helsa is back in the story. Helsa is an adult man. Though the 'a at the end makes it feminine and too similar to Jessa and Melara especially when they are all in the same sentence...

This kind of reminds me of when 'The Vampire Lestat, awoke from his long slumber. Anne Rice.

I am wondering why the author didn't give 'He a name to begin with.

And why he didn't start the story here at part 2.. This is much, much stronger. Mucho mejor to be placed in He's head space.

First, you need to know this fact.
Second you need to know these bits..
And thirdly is some more important information.

Does this mean we should expect a quiz?

This 'He fellow must be even more important than the girl because we get his thoughts and feelings. Although i suspect this is partly the author providing these insights as a matter of necessity, because 'He has just awoken from magical imprisonment and thoughts and feelings are once again new to him/'He.

Again, you get a sense that this PoV has been arrived at not by design but by chance. Almost unintentionally.