Owen Phillips > Recent Status Updates

Dinah needs to start shooting people

It is sort of compelling in a way. What happens when father doesn’t know best? He’s been forcing them into his own life, and the second his hands are off the wheel they’ve stopped the car. Very pleasantville. Would be almost good if the book were good

If the little gay one and his faggy boyfriend have aids I’m throwing this book into the river

This family of criminals and sex perverts

So he bought a racist map that told him where to be racist to whom? And that’s not true anymore the gay guys all live in Weho and Eagle Rock and the republican gay guys live in century city

Okay so she’s not a feminist but she doesn’t read the news? Surely she at least HEARD that contraception was legal now. Just rifling through the encyclopedia

Was assisted suicide illegal then? She should kill her husband

Things are getting bizarre. Also if my drug addicted teenage brother made out with my beard in front of a room full of our coworkers for sure me and my cowboy boyfriend would kill him like dude it is the SIXTIES

Obsessed with the idea that in 1964 Life magazine had nothing better to talk about than this little James Dean asshole, and that also their standards had dropped considerably and they didn’t know how to write a proper feature

Literally who cares if he’s in a coma? People love comas. I’d kill for a good coma right now. Just say he’s in a coma! Was Susan Lucci around in the sixties?

Getting worse

She should kill him

Addicted to the idea that every executive is named Mr. Business. Mr. Fridgidaire, Mr. Sunbeam. Can’t wait for her to talk to Mr. Raytheon or Mr. Blackrock. Mr. Saudi Aramco

I was sort of born to be a cosmetics maven’s lapdog

How are you gonna beef with a geriatric dog

Irritates me when people overuse brand names. It doesn’t always have to be an iPhone. Sometimes you’re just making a call

It’s too many plots. The beard should’ve gotten her own book

Okay here’s the issue: it’s not so much that we’re just being forced fed Wikipedia articles (even though we are) it’s that the book is swinging really hard to say IT’S NINETEEN SIXTY FUCKING FOUR LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON IS THE PRESIDENT COMMUNISM WILL KILL US HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF CHARLES MANSON and its like diva…we get it

Okay so the encyclopedias may have been more textual than not okay haha let’s all have a laugh egg on my face whatever fuck you it was the sixties they barely knew about dna or lightning and whatnot

Lorrie seems like cartoonishly awful. Luckily it’s the sixties so you can have her shot or committed or sent to Guam or whatever

Honestly the Natalie Wood trick would work wonders on me. Yeah I’ll pretend to be straight in exchange for a night at the club with the number eight diva I’m not stupid

I see someone got upsold into buying the full alphabet of encyclopedias

Sorry but it sounds like Juliet ate her up and Del had it coming no tea no shade but by 1964 Hitchcock was fucking those hoes up and Ken Russell had been excommunicated so let’s keep it real gang

Throwback to when you could just have meth

And girl let me insert an entry from the encyclopedia Britannica for some of you stupid bitches in the back

Not well written

I’m sorry the father immediately joining Jdate is exceptional you know his ass was TIRED of her

Look I get that five years is a long time but it kinda seems like you’ve built your whole personality about something that happened when you were twelve

You know she’s pissed she couldn’t join Moms For Liberty

Waiting for the brother to write his response memoir about how Stefan’s a fag and that he’s glad his mother hated him