Ellen > Recent Status Updates

Here we go. Can’t wait to make this series my whole personality.

“They won’t recognize me” bitch you’ve been there for months and you’ve been at every show. You threw a charity brunch. You’ve met with the mayor. You’re literally the face of the club right now WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

What an odd thing to be thinking about during an emergency situation.

Oh my god I totally forgot there was a plot.

“How are your nicknames getting worse?” Girl finally we agree on something

Out of all the deplorable moments in this book, calling her “little mama” might be the worst one.

“He was wearing what he always did in the summer.” Girl how do you know? You met him like last month.

“I haven’t hated you for a very long time” is such a good line and it’s wasted in this book 😭

She called him a himbo I have never laughed out loud so much while reading a book

I’m SORRY?? She’s helping him with WHAT??

This book is so unserious, I’m having the best time.

Wikipedia has entered the chat.

A Jane Austen themed charity drag brunch to benefit small farmers. I fear I couldn’t say no to this if I tried, but truly what is HAPPENING.

What do you MEAN the mayor is getting involved?? No he is not!

“It occurred to me that this was hardly in the job description of a conflict management specialist.” No kidding?? Literally what even is your job, I’m not sure you’ve done it yet?

WHY IS SHE ORGANIZING COSTUMES?! SHE DOESN’T WORK THERE!

Her interview notes are killing me. Why would the insurance company care about one of the queens being a Golden Girls fan PLEASE

The “conflict management consultant” actively assaulting someone their first night on the job really had me cackling.

I forgot to bring a book to work, but I have this on my kindle. Let’s see how far we get.

So the whole point of this scene is that Elena is supposed to be in charge and taking back control, but Christian is still being a manipulative asshole. Like dude shut UP for once.

Chapter 27: oh, brother, this guy STINKS

If she calls it her “meaty hole” ONE MORE TIME I’m throwing my phone out the window and promptly barfing. In that order.

If this bitch wasn’t slowly eaten alive by turtles I’m going to riot.

Did the Dean’s secretary’s name just go from Janet to Martha to Janet again?

I’m going to finish this book if it kills me.

You’re all “how would I be owed to someone? I’m a person, not a possession.” And “with a creepy stalker wandering around,I feel unsafe going to class”, but then you’re so giddy about three guys stalking you and literally saying “I’m protective of what’s mine”…GIRL. THERAPY. NOW.

So let me get this straight. This guy is literally mean to you, blasts your diary entries on public bathroom walls, physically assaults you, and then breaks into your house and is like “sorry, let’s like watch a movie or something.” And you’re just like SURE?! Girl you deserve any bad thing that happens to you.

“The water ran off her head, but she didn’t care.” You’re in the SHOWER, is she supposed to be upset there’s water??

These people are SOOOO dramatic and self centered my GOD.

“Dear diary, mood: apathetic.” - Amelia, probably.