Anna > Recent Status Updates

Half the things she thinks aren’t even real. Thoughts are nothing at all, they come from nowhere and disappear into nothing and you can’t wade in their river as they pass by—

No matter how hard she tries, she can only wield her sharpest thoughts against her own flesh. She knows, on some level, that most of the problems in her life are her own fault in one way or another. Anger is just one of those thoughts that can never quite sink its teeth into her—she is not solid enough, and its jaws close around nothing at all.

anger always melts through her fingers until it’s a pool of anguish under her feet. There is not enough oxygen inside Cora to keep anger burning.

Cora doesn’t like thinking of all the parts that make her up, all the glands and sacks and tendons and flaps. She wants to exist like a Lego person, with one singular body that exists in and of itself, solid, no room for anything inside.

She calls for feelings of love and grace like hauling an anchor to the surface of her mind, but it is far too heavy.

Except, maybe Cora wants to be a prisoner. Maybe she wants someone to teach her how to be a human the correct way, the way she never learned. Someone to wake her up and tell her what to eat, what to dream about, what to cry about, who to pray to.

The want to make her feel small. But soon, that feeling gave way to sadness. I felt sorry for her. Sorry that every part of her life had been characterized by misery. Sorry that even now, she was suffering.

“Love you in any and every form, be it corporeal or even immaterial, love you in every direction of space and time. A snake can shed its skin a hundred times, but it will always remain a snake. To be sisters with you in one lifetime is not enough.”

“They are lying on the same sand, but a gulf opens up between them.”

“But at the end of the day, is there really? People need safety as a bedrock. There is nothing embarrassing about that, it’s how most humans function. Let Emerald think it’s prosaic if she wants. Su knows better. Safety is grounding. Stability is strength.”

“To be without language, without distraction, with someone you love. Language has given them ways of hiding from each other.

Now she is used to the lonely malleability of her own human face, this skin’s repertoire of disguises.

The currency of spoken language forces everything to be too precise, yet not enough.”

“The bells and whistles of consumption save them from having to really connect. They can while away hours engaged in some form of opulent activity, seemingly together, yet without exactly being with each other.”

“Having someone bear witness to your pain is risky: it takes the experience out of your hands, makes things real in a way you cannot unmake. Alone, you’re free to rearrange the pieces till they sit right in your head. If no one else saw the way you cried, you can tell yourself it didn’t matter that much, did it?”

“— when the sadness is so great it threatens to tear her apart; when she regrets her decision to live —. Death is seductive.”

“Compromise required some acknowledgement that the other party deserved equal moral standing.”