Kelli Smith > Recent Status Updates

What makes a good conversationalist:
On/off attention switch-SLANT
Listen loudly
Favor familiarity-talk about what they know
Make Authors, not witnesses- ask for stories
How were you felling then? Now?
Fearless pauses 4-8 seconds at end
Looping- asking to see if you are tracking correctly
Midwife model- assist in the birth; Quaker clearness committee
Gem centered conflict
Disagreements below
Don’t “top”

A person is a point of view.
People don’t see the world with their eyes; they see it with their entire life.
We have subjective access to an objective reality out there.
Ask: how are they perceiving this situation? How are they experiencing this moment?

There’s what’s happened and then there’s how we perceive it. This makes up reality.

Exhibit patience, playfulness, other-centeredness, presence.

After the illuminating gaze, accompaniment is the next step in getting to know a person”

Illumination ch 3:
Tenderness
Receptive
Active curiosity
Affection
Generous
Holistic
O. 40 “ a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love”
How do you treat others?
How do you make them feel?
Vs. what are other people doing to you?

Sad realizations

They cannot bear how they see themselves now-the reflections too clear, too unflattering, too brutal, too honest—and I realize we are not meant to see ourselves so plainly, without the guise of ego and ignorance, not meant to have our true characters revealed.

Chapter 35
Prayer for Oz. Reread.

This uncle…I want to wring his neck right now! the author’s juxtaposition of cruelty and kindness
& sweet Mo trapped in there with the evil aunt/uncle

This book is not what I expected. He tells his survival story chronologically at times, but also topically after about 50% of the way through.
So far his methods are man-centered: family, friends, education, morality.