Kelli Smith’s Reviews > How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen > Status Update

What makes a good conversationalist:
On/off attention switch-SLANT
Listen loudly
Favor familiarity-talk about what they know
Make Authors, not witnesses- ask for stories
How were you felling then? Now?
Fearless pauses 4-8 seconds at end
Looping- asking to see if you are tracking correctly
Midwife model- assist in the birth; Quaker clearness committee
Gem centered conflict
Disagreements below
Don’t “top”

A person is a point of view.
People don’t see the world with their eyes; they see it with their entire life.
We have subjective access to an objective reality out there.
Ask: how are they perceiving this situation? How are they experiencing this moment?

There’s what’s happened and then there’s how we perceive it. This makes up reality.

Exhibit patience, playfulness, other-centeredness, presence.

After the illuminating gaze, accompaniment is the next step in getting to know a person”

Illumination ch 3:
Tenderness
Receptive
Active curiosity
Affection
Generous
Holistic
O. 40 “ a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love”
How do you treat others?
How do you make them feel?
Vs. what are other people doing to you?