amanda > Recent Status Updates

redemption starts eventually but not today

redemption starts now.

write whatever you want to, jennette, but just remember your destination when your eyes close for the last time.

thanks for suffering with me pragna, we should do a buddy suicide next time.

"“Put him in your mouth,” Korgy says, so I lower myself to him and pull down his boxers. A cheese-like smell wafts up and I force myself not to gag as I bring my lips to his cock and start trying to recreate the blow jobs I gave him early on."

no

"A week ago, I made a joke about sometimes wanting to shut off my brain and watch Survivor, but the joke didn’t go over well, so we watched Buffalo ’66 instead."

a lil on the nose but ok

"lol you’re not gonna leave your family for me"

this little line after that long ass paragraph he sent her oh she ate

i want to die so badly right now

if i didn't want to kill myself before then i surely do now.

"I lock myself in a stall and start to text him that I miss him and that I have to see him and then delete the text and go to his Instagram page and masturbate to it with my chili cheese fingers. The chili burns my vagina. But I keep going and going while that song that goes “sh-boom sh-boom life could be a dream” plays in the background."

kill me

"We scooch out of the booth and a hostess taps Mr. Korgy on the arm and says, “I just have to let you know, you seem like such a good dad.”"

i

“Look, Waldo,” Mr. Korgy says, repositioning himself. “You’re in control here, okay?”

he's got this manipulation thing down to a tee

"He’s hesitant but relents when I tell him Mom lets me have it."

how romantic being w someone whose choices are determined by their parents still

"I lean forward and start stroking his cock. Licking it. Sucking his wrinkly balls. Giving him the masculinity she’s taken away. Relieving him of the exhaustion of marriage, of family, of a disappointing career and a thinning hairline."

none of these words make me want to live

"An hour later, the groceries arrive on the doorstep. I pour myself some chocolate paleo crunch granola with almond milk, and only get through three bites before throwing it away and pouring myself a glass of flat root beer instead."

don't waste food dumbo

"So he tells me what they’re about, thinking that the only reason I don’t like them is because I didn’t comprehend them, but I say, “No, I got all that. Just not my thing,” and he looks like he might cry. So I tell him that regardless I appreciate that they were influential, and his eyes flood with relief."

the ick gets worse and worse

"He tells me the best way to understand culture at any given time is to know what people are laughing at. I ask him what’s so important about understanding culture, and he says that’s a good question and that he’s not sure how to answer it, and then he never does."

that was a stupid fucking question. you're a stupid fucking girl.

"On the drive with Mr. Korgy, he asks me to duck at the stoplights and by the third time he apologizes. He says he feels terrible about it but that we can’t risk someone seeing me in his car, and that it’s just for around town and that once we’re on the highway I can sit up straight."

GIRL STAND UP

"Afterward, he strokes the small of my back and tells me he has to go, but before he does, I lay him down flat and I lick his curled belly hairs straight."

u will pay for ur crimes jennette

"“Waldo,” he moans."

i cant even laugh

the r slur wtf???

"His sweat stains press against me, bleeding through the armpits of his button-down."

enough

dreading turning the page

"I leave, and on the way out, I sniff my fingers."

i am just grossed out

"I cringe at that too, the way she drops the g from the backs of her words. “Everything” becomes “every-theen.” “Thinking” becomes “think-een.” “Wondering” becomes “wonder-een.” I used to find it endearing. Now I find it grating. Grating. With a g."

??? i don't say thinking and wondering with a g

actually i take my previous statement back, this is more like a 14 year old trying to write like a wise 17 year old

this feels like it's written by a 17 year old at least but in a negative way

“Lemme ask you this, do you know your worth?”

why is everything so in ur face in this book

i don't like it so far ngl

reading with pragna yay

cozy