Ingrid Garnemark > Recent Status Updates

"but again, i am a man, and as you might know, men are not great at reading signs."

no truer words have ever been written.

"i'm starting to understand that you can always make time for the things that matter."

to write that sentence should actually be a crime with the way i'm crying right now.

"the wall of asswipe"

"the wall of asswipe"

"it's only illegal if you get caught."

yes motherfucker!! my kinda man!!

"i only love your penis" is an insane thing to say to a person.

"just because we had goats doesn't mean we didn't have parties."

so true, ma'am.

"i never know if i'm feeling the right thing."

emily. girl. how did you find my diary? because this shit is starting to hit a little too close to home for comfort.

a redhead child pointing to an orangutan and saying "he's orange like me" may be the most unintentionally funny thing i've ever read.

i may have to get "weirdo" tattooed on my forehead in solidarity.

is that a gun in your pocket? or are you just happy to see me?

"i just wanted to listen to you exist."

that sound you heard? yeah, that was my jaw hitting the floor.

not a german accent, but a swedish one!! because she just got THE lukas blomqvist to fake flirt with her!!

i can't with him carrying her and saying "i've always fucking loved you in my arms". i literally can't. not right now. for so many reasons.

52 "fucks" in 20 minutes has to be some kind of a record. right?

"my entire twenty-seven years of existence i've wedged myself into parameters that other people construct - to blend in to appease men and women alike. [...] and i shouldn't have to be labeled to make sense. my sexuality shouldn't be of priority to anyone but me. [...] to appease them, i have to step into that cramped box. to make sense to them, i have to declare something i don't feel."

fucking word.

"gig fuck a castings" is my new life motto.

connor cobalt smiling is literally my favorite thing in the universe.

"birth control is only ninety-nine percent effective. we're, of course, in the one percent."

when did connor cobalt become a comedian?

on the freeway. in a car. with the sunroof open. her standing on the middle console. while he was steering with his knee. because he was flipping of a family behind them.

oh me oh my. i've definitely never read THAT before.

"you ran with her in your arms for over three miles. your brother's existence caused your parents' divorce, and yet you gave up most of your time and energy to help him through his sobriety. how can you possibly think you're a pain in their life? what you've done for them, it's nothing short of heroic, and if you can't see that, then you're blind, my friend."

connor cobalt spitting facts like always. (i'm crying.)

accidentally seeing three of the people closest to you having sex in the same night is kind of crazy behavior actually.

"ca vous a pris pas mal de temps."

i literally can't handle this.

"these five people mean more to me than words can express. i've never once felt like i had a real family. but with them i know i do."

connor cobalt supremacy.

wtf. i'm bawling my eyes out. i can't handle this.

"what you need: if you decide to go for it, i think it should be me." aaand i'm already on my knees for this man.

"maybe it's a swedish thing" lol. yeah, it's called jantelagen.

i just read a sermon that went on for way too many pages. that was so not what i signed up for.

walking into your hotel room, only to find a naked girl chained to your bed is actually not something i had considered as a possibility before this. but now that i know that it's on the table i'm kind of scared.

there's no way i just read the sentence "i think you've imprinted on this girl's pussy" in a published book.

don't get me wrong. i love the fact that i did. but how is that a real sentence that i just read??