Katrina > Recent Status Updates

Race is a big concern of hers. Though I understand the dilemma of not knowing ur own race (or how it’s perceived)

white trash explained perfectly: mocking the poverty, the lice, the stinking food of the Mexicans, the blacks, the Indians, that’s what my mother called them such spite, and those unnecessary definite articles such malevolence in her voice, perhaps because all of them were far cleaner, healthier, and better educated than we were

Best book I have read in a long time, Beautifully & intriguingly written no matter how mundane the subject matter. My favorite part however is how each chapter has a word pertaining to the art world, along with its definition, and the story following symbolliclky corresponds to the word

many courtiers explicitly disdained any desire to possess their ladies

love was considered in medieval times a gift freely given therefore was excluded from marriage

Love, Guilherme argued was not an abasement but an exhalation, not a sordid sin but a divine mystery, and the lady within whose gift it lay was a goddess to be adored.

Courtly love: between troubadour (traveling poet) & high class lady— an adoration kind of love, one of chastity.

The arabs are responsible for courtly love because basically in Muslim society love is blind😹

Courtly love & the transition of eve to mary as woman’s ideal version

this is the end of the narrative part of the book— i don’t think this story needed to be 230 pages. the only novel part of this story is the fact that he treated his own addiction and the light shouldve been mainly shone on that element (without all of the fluff)

this book is beyond repetitive. it’s purely chronological with the {unnecessary} repetition of his goal. each chapter could be cut down to a third of its size at least, i don’t need to know the exact content of each email that praised him. i don’t know if the guy is a narcissist or autistic or both,

Yet in other ways, craving remains a hotly contested subject in addiction research. Some researchers say that addictive craving is too elusive a concept to have practical value. To which I say: Like pain, it is only elusive if you don't have it. (164)

(163) alcoholism/addiction is symptom driven and symptom dependent not THE disease (distinction between disease and addiction)

(154) alcohol dream & relapse

Addiction is truly a living nightmare in which you wake up to the horror not from it -pg 153

Pressure from his big award ceremony, his sober EXTREMELY supportive girlfriend, and a little bit of goddamn anxiety (which he survived without his fuck ass valium) “made him” relapse. What a loser. insanely pathetic. he has so many well accomplished and supportive friends (and mother) and yet somehow he’s always the victim of some bull fucking shit

bro has a predisposition for EVERYTHING poor baby

he thinks he is better than everyone else looking down on addiction and he is so humble for not wanting to be separated from others because he’s a physician but in reality he talks like he knows fucking everything— the reason why they are separated is because they have something in common not because they are inherently better than others (HE assumed this)

when i say this book is repetitive, it’s not even because he relapses everytime like in beautiful boy but because he literally repeats the same line over and over, what people say to him “if you stop drinking you will have less anxiety” and how he has imposter syndrome,this book is way too drawn out — it’s like he’s trying to convince himself subconsciously of what he is saying

i’m not sure how i feel about his argument that alcoholism is a purely biological disease, it is more layered than that and he proves my case when he claims his reasoning everytime he relapses. i don’t like how he is comparing relapse to how cancer comes back. he even points at his anxiety as a source of the problem yet not all people who struggle with anxiety are alcoholics?

fragile peace after rehab, and any strong emotion either positive or negative can trigger unrest for chronic dysphoria (one craves relief from this)

High watch farm, a calmer more outdoor form of rehab serving a middle class working class population, the routine there (chores) was highly structured and helped him feel peace like no other however he explains most people feel this in rehab due to no triggers of emotional stress, structure, no cues for drinking— this peace is fragile (cont.)

Wernickie’s encepholopathy: deadly syndrome associated with alcohol abuse characterized by unsteadiness, visual impairment, and a confused state of mind

- sounds like the same thing over and over, as most books about addiction do, beautiful boy annoyed me in this way, however I enjoyed tweak more than both— for some reason it felt less repetitive and more creative in the way that somehow as addicted he was to heroin and meth, he could remember his creative thoughts throughout the entire addiction.

spiritual vacuum (carl jung): empty spaces in the physical world are quickly filled by something (alcoholism)

also how tf does this man know so many world renowned people, it’s absolutely insane. is he fr a prodigy or just hella nepo (considering his parents are well renowned as well) and all of this siblings became doctors too, having a lot to do with his parents influence. “oh my world renowned friend in spirituality
“ right!

he tried AA, RR, CBT, a million anti anxiety/drug abuse meds, rehab, and more, spending thousands of dollars on himself yet cannot get out of his goddamn victim complex. i like the part where he says we live in a society that assumes everything is fixable, maybe for some it’s not bc they get trapped in their own brain. i really want to see where the spiritual awakening thing goes for him, im curious.

His life story, & his parents’ sets, up causes for his predisposed anxiety. Harry is like this. Pianists and other musicians tend to be like this as well. He talks about statistics of how PTSD is passed down in children (maternally) and is more likely to give the children an anxiety disorder than the parent. The most successful people are driven by anxiety (jews). He wasn’t an alcoholic almost his whole life,

he begins the book by saying he’s been dealing with feelings of inadequacy his whole life. prescriptions like xanax never worked. he discusses the moral stigma of addiction since he is a doctor as well as the stigma that doctors & therapists avoid in patients. physicians are 3x more likely to struggle.

Also note to self: remember to look up what the fuck beloved was talking about in her gibberish chapter and then the poetic one that was meant to explain it i guess