Kareem > Recent Status Updates

“My mother is remarkable, and if there were a woman like her but 20 years younger, I’d already be married.”

WOAH SLOW DOWN THERE ALBERT

A) welcome back Oedipus
B) you’re saying this to her first love who was secret policed the day he was to marry her
C) you’re literally describing Haydee (and it’s why I think Haydee and Edmond are gonna be together even though she’s like a quarter century younger)

This chapter where Edmond discusses toxicology might be the most racist chapter. As with a lot of what he says, it’s unclear how much is the Count playing to the racism of the Parisians and how much is from Dumas himself.

Considering Dumas was half black, I give him SOME benefit of the doubt, but that doesn’t mean I won’t go, “Wow, that was racist”

It’s interesting the way Edmond pursues the downfall of his nemeses.

To Danglars, who only cares about money, he says, “I am richer than you.”

To Fernand, who only cares about social status, he says, “I am more loved than you.”

To Villefort, who only cares for his ambition, he says, “I am better than you.”

Ali simultaneously being Edmond’s best friend and slave is quite the whiplash. With the added context that slavery was abolished in France two years after Dumas finished writing this book, I can’t tell if it’s a condemnation of Edmond or of Dumas himself.

Maybe there’s more to it that I’m not aware of yet, but I doubt it. Rich people loved grateful slaves, and this book was for them

Edmond: trickster hero? Or dastardly wraith? In his disguise as the abbey, he saved Bertuccio’s life and listened to the traumatizing stories of witnessing Villefort try to kill his own newborn bastard son, and then later saw the aftermath of Caderousse’s murder of the jeweler (as well as the corpse of Caderousse’s wife). Then in his Count alter ego, forces him to tell the story in full again. Chill on him bro?

Me, earlier: Poor Caderousse. Wrong place, wrong time, too cowardly to speak up for fear of his own life, but carrying the hand he had in Edmond’s “death” with him for the rest of his life

Me, now: 👁️ 👄 👁️

It’s extremely clear to the reader that Mercedes recognizes the man-formerly-known-as-Edmond. Unfortunately, I’m given to understand that this book has abandoned the Count as a POV character and is now reliant on the people around him’s POVs, so who knows when we’ll get his thoughts on the current her.

Also, Dumas apparently loves Corsicans, but man are the French just casually racist against them.

Franz: Albert, the Count is not who he claims to be. He is dangerous and might have had a hand in your kidnapping. I know so because he had me smoke weed with him in a cave, and I overheard him scheming with bandits.

Albert: *listens intently* Oh wow! Sounds like he’s a really smart and rich guy! And he helped me get unkidnapped, too! He’s a right proper man, and I’m glad I invited him to my home in Paris!

Albert
- spent 6 months on vacation chasing tail
- fell in love with a femboy so cute he thought he was a girl
- got kidnapped, told he was going to be murdered if ransom wasn’t paid by morning, promptly said “bet,” and went straight to sleep
- got woken up in his cell in the middle of the night to be told his ransom was paid, and he complained that they could have at least waited until morning to wake him

Mercedes is stronger than me for having to deal with her idiot son.

Also, the narrator is killing me. He seemingly can’t do high pitched voices except that they are one of his innocent women voices or else an old man voice. Sir, Albert is 20. Why does he sound like Edmond’s dad?

I can’t believe we’re devoting an entire chapter to smoking weed.

Also, with Arabic added to his repertoire, thats 6 languages Edmond knows. Wish that were me tbh

In any other book, we’d be hitting around the halfway point by now

I’m curious as to when exactly Edmond really begins to change as a person, because the Abbe is on his death bed and Edmond is still largely the same dude he was when the book started.

Maybe he doesn’t start to really change as a person until after he starts pretending to be someone he’s not, and therefore morphs into that person as time goes on

I’m struck by how often everyone professes Edmond’s innocence when he unequivocally was a party to insurgency. Like, he obviously didn’t know the contents of the letter, but he so fr bro. You literally met the exiled emperor and agreed to carry a letter to the capital for him.

Also, the Abbe just being good at everything and the smartest man ever makes me roll my eyes.

Abbe: [says anything]
Edmond: 🤯

I’m consistently confused at the decisions the narrator makes for what voices to give who. Some middle aged characters are given old man voices. An old noble man has the voice of a cunning bandit.

Also, be consistent with the titles you are saying with a French accent. Why is “general” in a French accent? But not “emperor?”

Anyway, the book is good in that old book way.

I don’t care whether or not the voice is accurate, the narrator really shouldn’t have used such a high pitched and heady voice for Louis Dix-Huit. It’s at odds with how eloquent and biting his anger is.

Also would it have killed him to just say “the 18th?”

Who could have imagined that threatening your jailer would have consequences??????

Villefort is kind of a dumbass. RIP to him but if I were in his position, I probably would have taken a little more than 2 minutes to think about things before I consigned a man to his fate.

Also, the narrative needs to make up its mind. Is Dantes a bright and intelligent young lad, or is he a dumbass incapable of putting two and two together?

It’s fun to copy the narrator’s breathy “innocent woman” voice

The Maquise of Saint-Meran is full on Toreador lmao.

This entire chapter is basically her going, "the sins of the father are the sins of the son! I don't believe that, of course, but I encourage you to act as if I do. We wouldn't want you to lose all political and social standing on my whim, no?"

The narrator uses French pronunciation for names of people and places, and I fear that I am doomed to only remember some of the characters by the pronunciation of their native tongue. /j

I’m impressed with how much more pathetic Fernand is in this book compared to the movie we watched in French class. By comparison, Danglars is a menace.

Anyway, rip Edmond’s idealism

How pathetic do you have to be to get rejected for marriage by your cousin over and over for 10 years and then argue that you should be married because some of your ancestors happened to be incestuous?

If I were Mercedes I might have already arranged Fernand’s death lmao.

Mercedes is my favorite character so far for sure. Get his ass

An experiment on whether I can manage to listen to an audiobook if I do it during car rides.

53 hour book, my god

Justice for Avia

At what point do you say, “enough is enough. I don’t want to read this anymore?”

As poorly written and hard to parse as this book is, it’s at least more enjoyable than Alchemised.

Sometimes, a passage is written in such a way that I know is meant to evoke some kind of feeling, but I can’t tell if it’s meant to be dramatic or humorous

Reading this book is like feeling like there’s some kind of elephant in the room that everyone except you is aware of. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to find the damn elephant

What am I even doing here, man?