Eva 🌻 > Recent Status Updates

« Couldn’t sleep, either ?
Couldn’t turn my mind off. »

Without thinking, I pull an arrow from my quiver and send it straight at the Gamemakers’ table. The arrow skewers the apple in the pig’s mouth and pins it to the wall behind it. Everyone stares at me in disbelief.
Thank you for your consideration

She has reminded me why I’m here. Not to model flashy costumes and eat delicacies. But to die a bloody death while the crowds urge on my killer.

«  Sometimes I pass something that catches my eye, or ear, and I think, Gabe would love this; or remember when, together, we loved that? I pause, grateful to run into him again. »

« It’s not fair he died at 29. It’s not fair he died when we were in this complicated state. There was a throbbing meaninglessness that could at any moment spread into an ache and pull me apart. Over time, I did think about it less, but when I did, this wide gulf would open again, and even if I didn’t fall in, just walking the perimeter of it was miserable. »

« After talking to Casey, after standing alone in Elizabeth’s shower, after staring at that Frankenthaler painting, all moments when I could feel my friend, the friend I knew and trusted with my life, I had to consider that there was another possibility, that it was just as Jabari was saying : the only way through his thoughts about me and Elizabeth was his music. »

« He just thought if he got something out, just get in the studio, record, he’d know what to do. He couldn’t think straight until he made the album.
[…] So this is what where he’d been while he was trying to figure things out. Gabe hadn’t been thinking about me or Elizabeth. He was consumed by his music. That fucking asshole. »

« Thinking Gabe could be gone. Because wasn’t it always the same with Gabe ? The plaza in Barcelona, finding home again in Echo Park, Joshua Tree, the voicemail. It was never goodbye. I was wrong every time I thought he was out of my life. He would always appear again. »

« Ah yes. You were the first, I was his last.
I was not Gabe’s first girlfriend. He was my first boyfriend, I was a late bloomer. But he’d always been… Gabe.
I meant first love. »

« We got into the first black can we spotted, but only once we had the guitar safely inside her flat, the door slammed behind us, did we turn to each other and scream in celebration. »

« I know what you must have thought. What type of person would not answer a grieving mother ? But I’m grieving too and I’m going to be a mother and I just needed time. I needed some time. »

« I honestly thought you knew. When we first ran into each other. But then you never mentioned it, and I realized, wow, so he has enough for me not to immediately tell you. » she gestured her hands it to the side as it the rest were obvious. «  I’m pregnant. »
« No, you’re not. » I scanned her figure for confirmation.

« Because I thought you would get in the way of my music.
I got that.
I mean, that was it. That was the only reason. And it was really stupid of me. I loved you. But I didn’t want to have to think about anyone else. »

« you don’t have to be blackout drunk to be an alcoholic. »

« Because -and I know it sounds strange- I felt his presence in that painting. It was almost like he was back and I knew that if he had walked up to me that moment, I would have been exactly like a fan in the crowd, cheering and stamping my feet in relief. »

« Now if i drive trough LA, I could point out all the coffee shops, music venues, trails, restaurants, bars and the places friends used to live, where, for nearly a decade, Gabe and I spent our lives. »

« I ruined our chance, she says, again.
I don’t believe in chances Roe, he says. I thought you knew that about me. There is only what happens. What is and what isn’t.
So what happens, she asks him.
What do you think, he asks bac, though he knows her answer, now. »

«  I know it seems like I didn’t choose you, ever, Rosie says, when all I wanted was to choose you. And I’m sorry I never said that to you. Evan if we’re only ever going to be friends, that’s okay, i think, but I just wanted to be able to say it. It’s all I can think about, now ; that you matter, more than anything, to me. And I never even told you. »