eyeless jack > Recent Status Updates

“ceiling blowjobs”……….

The concept of a “clown shifter” is WILD lmao

“Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.” 💀

“Human life was proving to be confusing and awkward, while being a door had been fairly straightforward.”

“It’s not that I think you’re gonna knock me up with little, uh, trapdoors, or something” 💀

“I’m taking your cameo in my recurring nightmare as consent, but if I’m wrong…I dunno, like, jiggle in your frame or something.”

“It had never occurred to me that there was a time before I was a door, or that other doors might not be aware of themselves.”

is that ZEUS??????? what the fuck is happening??????? 😭

“My phone rings, and I nearly launch it across the room.”


me

“I have a weakness for assholes with thick thighs and thicker brains."


Real

“Away with you, demon.”

Ok I’m DEFINITELY going to start saying this to coworkers who annoy me too

The dedication being an Ashnikko quote is iconic

“Come for me, Maisie. Please, goddess. I’m yours to use.”

““By the gods, let me worship you, my radiant harvest. Let me show him what he’s lost.”

“You’ll serve as the worthless brigands and foul abusers before you have done; your blood will do far more beneath the soil than it ever has above it.”

“I don’t ask for much, May, why do you act like this? Christ. I’m not gonna propose to a girl who can’t even manage to look respectable.”

I hope he dies

“I’d bought it as a joke for a Halloween costume last year—I wanted to go as an old-timey saloon girl, but Dan had vetoed it at the last minute, saying it made me look like a prostitute.”

Kill him

“Dan firmly believed pants were for men, never hesitating to remind me if I made the mistake of wearing them.”

Holy fuck girl break up with him my god

I gave 5 stars to the first one but god this one could not BE more cringey…

“Well, I'm thirty-three—”
“Wow, old.”
“How old are you?”
“Thirty-one.”


Girl WHAT??? You’re the one who is far too old to be acting like this. I genuinely feel like I’m reading a story about a 12yo with her first crush. She’s so painfully juvenile.

I really enjoyed the first book but this one is undoing all their chemistry. Does he even like her???? If I was “dating” (if you can call this that) a man who gave me this little effort/interest, I’d block him.

“I’ve only heard his voice two other times, so this makes number three.”

Good job, Elmo! Look at you, being able to count to 3!

panty melters?????? there was no other phrase you could have come up with 😬
the way I read that line and went “ew” out loud to the empty room…