Michael Clupper > Recent Status Updates

Oh jeez we already have the obligatory pet name for our protagonist and ofc it’s “Princess”

Alright so we just met a startlingly handsome guard with the unfortunate name of “Hawk Flynn”. He’s chiseled, tall, and is described as having predatory grace, beautiful eyes, and hidden agony. A little on the nose, but for sure our male main love interest.

What is it with this genre and the overuse of the word “utterly”?

Brooo the mysterious bad guy has a nickname and that nickname is “The Dark One”. Can’t wait for “The Dark One” to be super noble and misunderstood and also our male main love interest

Oh really, Poppy? Are you the “Maiden”? The “Chosen”? Maybe reiterate this several more times in case the reader has forgotten

Also I see we’re *really* leaning into Puritan-era themes of chastity and shame

Oh boy, it’s a full Graphic Audio production so we are just vomiting exposition to the soft plucking of a tavern harp. Forget “Show, Don’t Tell,” when you can have “Tell, With Harp.”

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

Welcome to my palette-cleansing audiobook between Romantasies. Don’t know much about it but I’ll listen to anything that Moira Quirk narrates

I’ve officially met the 50% completion threshold required to satisfy the “Rule of Clup” and DNF. Thank the lord

I’ve lost the plot, the audiobook narrator sounds like *she’s* lost the plot, and it’s specifically stated that Alexis — the protagonist of this godforsaken book — has lost the plot.

Guys there’s no plot. I’m scared

In the last several minutes of audiobook time, the protag has both fantasized about having children with the ghost of Carl Gauss and pretended to be a bewigged Founding Father of the USA whilst in the shower.

I feel like I don’t even need to make wry observations to be ridiculous, I can just continue to summarize the actual book as written

“I prayed that I was being embraced by Carl Gauss. Hopefully his penis was a normal shape… im not sure how much more trauma I could take today.”

Again I maintain that I have no idea what this book is about

Guys I fully have no idea what’s happening in this book anymore

Starting to get the sinking feeling this book is going to fail the Bechdel test. Thus far the only other female character was brought in for 4 pages in order to give Vin a haircut. No beuno

I’ll never understand how there exists an entire genre dedicated to immortal, almighty demigods sexually obsessing over barely-pubescent children with no personality. Does no one else find this shit creepy? No one?

I think we just met our “shadow daddy” male main character and I know this for several reasons:
1. It’s Charon, so of course it is
2. The character has introduced himself by directly verbalizing his backstory and intentions, as all of the best-written characters do
3. Romantasy audiobook producers use the 2-3 male voice actors for all of these characters, so waddup Teddy Hamilton

How is it that I’m a 1/3 of the way through this book and I’ve yet to meet a single character that isn’t aggressively unlikable.

I will say, though, that the main character’s consistent “I’m going to drink bleach” gen Z energy is occasionally very funny

Hate to say that I’m really not a fan of the dialogue in this book thus far

I’m waiting patiently for Vin to become any kind of character and not just a vector for worldbuilding. Seriously, she feels entirely auxiliary to anything and I’m almost 100 pages in.

I feel that it is incumbent upon me to offer a world-building tip: if you are trying to construct a setting that is supposedly the most cruel and foreboding place on the planet, don’t constantly undermine yourself by saying every aspect of it “was almost as bad as high school”. What are we even doing here. Unless that high school was Degrassi, that can’t possibly be true

I’m tired of this, Grandpa

I do believe what I have stumbled upon is the first brainrot romantasy

Apropos of nothing, the author of this novel has a law degree. I have so very many questions.

Twice now, the author has described objects as smelling like “fire”. Wtf does that even mean.

Also, she described a vista as “breathtakingly tropical”. Wrf does that even mean?

Also, apparently the protag can’t get a paternity test because Spartan blood is too acidic to be tested. Wtf does that even mean?